Ezechiel 34

WOE TO THE SHEPHERDS OF ISRAEL WHO HAVE BEEN PASTURING THEMSELVS!
SHOULD NOT SHEPHERDS,RATHER, PASTURE SHEEP?
MY SHEEP HAVE BEEN GIVEN OVER TO PILLAGE,
AND MY SHEEP HAVE BECOME FOOD FOR THE WILD BEAST,
FOR LACK OF SHEPHERD
MY SHEEP WERE SCATTERED AND WANDERED OVER ALL THE MOUNTAINS...
Ezequiel 34

Do you feel God's anger and pain? I do.
It is so easy to point our fingers to others. These words have been address to me directly by the Almighty God.
For I refused to accept my responsability to pastor, I thought this way God would not ask me to render accoutnts. I was wrong. God did.
He clearly asked me "Bea Gasca, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?"
and then He told me my hands were filled with blood. I had rejected my position as a pastor, the blood of the slain and wounded sheep was on my hands.
after a long time of discipline and purifing work God has called me into pastoring again. I accepted at once. And I have been truly amazed at the power and strenght and wisdom and beauty of the whole issue. If I had known that so much would be given to me once I accepted my task, things that will allow me to do my task well, then I would have accepted years ago...I am so human.
So, God begins the task of gathering the sheep that He and I will look after. It is a sad sight, fits the description above. Deeply wounded and with fear filled eyes...God picks them up and brings them by my side.
What have we done? I cannot do anything else but tremble. And tremble deep inside. We lost focus. We were doing so many things, concerts, seminars and all of that stuff...but the sheep, they were unattended. We the pastors were so busy that we did not notice when the wolf came by...What have we done?
As God has brought them and placed them at my feet, I have kneeled down and just sat besides them, some too wounded to even touch without them feeling excruciating pain. I can only sit by their side and gently, ever so gently whisper words of love "Do not be afraid, you are no longer alone, you are not alone."
This has been much of the picture in these past weeks. Now the sheep are gathered, it is a small group but beautiful. I stand a bit afar from the group, and observe each one of them with gentle love. An anxious, fearful, hurt, sad, lonely and tired, very tired flock. But each beginning to feel protected and loved.
I feel God's eyes upon me, so I lift my tear filled eyes and meet His eyes. His eyes fill me with confidence. "They will be alright" is the message I read in His eyes..."NOW, they will be allright"
so important that we take our place as pastors...so important to stay focused on that which we are called to do...pastor lives, gently and sternly, but it is a one to one task...
It is night, I do not sleep...I cannot sleep, the wolves who used to move freely about are stearing nearby. I will leave the sheep, I will go out and fight the wolves. It will be a fierce battle, for the pack of wolves having had little attack has now grown big and strong. But I am well prepared, I am now strong in God. It will be a fierce battle...40 days long. It will not be the last battle, but it will definitely be the first and in a way the most important, for as the wolves are driven away at time of peace will follow, peace in which the sheep will be able to regain healing and strength.
I am filled with a never before known boldness, there is no despair or fear. It is time to go out and fight the wolves- but this time I am prepared. My blood is pumping fast and it is burning with rage...too long these wolves have been allowed to kill the Good Shepherd's sheep...
I hear God's voice roaring over the mountains:

"I swear I will save my sheep, I, the Lord, have spoken."

II Peter 1:2b

MAY GRACE AND PEACE BE GIVEN YOU IN ABUNDANCE
IN THE KNOWLEDGE OF OUR LORD.
II Peter 1:2b

I know it is the same verse, but even though I reached the conclusion that my lack of peace is due to my choice of not sitting long enough before God in order to hear Him speak of each situation in a clear way...and this remaing to be true...

I cannot help wondering:

DO I REALLY KNOW GOD?

I mean,
Do I REALLY, REALLY know God?

and part of me answers:
If you really know God...why are you afraid?

even if you haven't heard Him speak...if you knew Him, wouldn't you be in peace?
I mean...
If you really knew Him, you would know that you have no reason to be afraid.

He is almighty and He loves you.
He is wise and He loves you.
He is God and He loves you.

one thing I am to fear, and that is God...aside this fear NO other fear should abide in my heart..
so I ask myself once more:

Do I really know God?

"God,
I am no genious, yet I can tell I do not know you...not really.
and you know what, I would like to know you well.
I am sorry for not spending more time with you...I get distracted so easily.
I am sory God.
I am sorry.
I do not know how I suddently am so busy and so distracted, that I lose my focus.
God, you are my portion, you are my alll.
I now want to stop and readjust my time, and I want to push so many silly things aside.
I want to know you God. i want to know you more thatn anyghing else in this world...even more thatn going to Norway of seeing my boys. I want to know you. I want to know you. I watn to know you God.
Asking you to open my eyes to your beauty seems an offense, since you have done so much to get me to this place...including the cross. God I know that if I am now "blind" it is mainly because I myself cover my eyes with my own hands. I rush on to do things, instead of taking that blood bought place, the one near you, so I may see your face.
you are a ferarful God...so I choose to run off and serve you instead of observing you.
How wise you were in linking real peace with knowledge of God.
Now I am obliged to face you, my dear fearsome God...for I have lost my peace, since the moment I chose to turn my face away from your fearsomeness.
God, I know take courage and choose to take my place, my blood bought place near you, so near that I may see your face.
Thank you Jesus for the cross, I make this prayer in your name.
Amen"

II Peter 1:2

MAY GRACE AND PEACE BE GIVEN YOU IN ABUNDANCE
IN THE KNOWLEDGE OF OUR LORD.
II Peter 1:2

It is true you know. When we know God we have peace.
let me repeat this:
When we know God, we have peace.

"Bea, I know God and I am still all stressed out!"
mmm....well, do you really know God?

Good question, no?
I am asking myself exactly the same thing.
I know God, if I did not know Him, right now...well I probably wouldn't be here. I would be in Bolivia fighting with my ex-husband to keep my kids...or something stupid like that.
I bet you anything that tons of people think I am ...mmm...not a very good mom.
But I am, very different in many ways...but a good mom. So, even though it hurts not to see their beautiful smiles and deep sweet eyes...I just have such a clear picture that this is good and good for us all...that I can move on.

But I am all stressed out for other reasons, and this makes me mad. I can't believe myself, so confident in having my kids in the other side of the country and yet so stress out for other reasons...which are big issues...but definitely nothing compares with having my kids far away.
If I were in Norway, I would go and take a dive in the sea, the water there is ice cold...that might knock my senses back!!!! grrr!!!

I sit back and begin to understand...that is why it is so good to "talk"...I feel peace in my kids situation, because God has SPOKEN CLEARLY about it all. His word produces faith, and thus fear is wiped out.
Maybe the key is to sit down and search God in every aspect. Like to search God and say "how do you see this specific situation, Lord?"
Of course! That is what kind David used to do, before every battle He would seek God and ask "should I go out to fight?" and he did not move until God answered...
again this is my problem, I know it takes time before God before He answers...so I have been presenting the problem and before getting the answer I rush on to my days work.
I think I will find the time to sit before Him until He answers, this stress is killing me!!!!

I must be the most human person on earth. I have tons of practice hearing His voice, I know Him...and yet I choose to do things in a way that I end up all stressed out!!

soooo human....so human!

I Kings 18:21

HOW LONG DO YOU HALT BEFORE TWO SIDES?
IF THE LORD BE GOD, THEN FOLLOW HIM;
BUT IF BAAL, THEN FOLLOW HIM.
I Kings 18:21

Last night I was watching the full moon rise. What beauty and splendor! I laid there in my bed, because of the way my room is the moon seemed to be "right there" just a kilometer away. Walking distance...I smiled at the thought. The moon, it is certainly not withing walking distance...
There where clouds here and there and the moon seemed to be playing a peek a boo game with me. I absorved the beauty, the awesomeness of the universe. I did not want to fall asleep, but it seemed it would take forever to move up into the sky. It was moving alright, I could definitely see the change, but at the same time it was so gentle, so cool and calm...no hurry, no rush, no sweat- the schedule is planned and I will be there just in time.
The schedule planned by the Almighty God. No hurry, just keep the pace. I the moon am so aware of the perfection of God's timing that I can even take the time to play a game of peek-a-boo with Bea Gasca. I the moon am so aware of the wisdom of God, that I gently follow my path through the sky- the mighty sky- with no rush, no stress. I am made to shine, tonight is my night...but I can take my time. I can relax and enjoy every single second that leads me there.

"Bea, the Bible verse you chose is totally of the topic!"...
No, it isn't. You see this morning God asked me this very question. "How long do you halt between two sides?"...and it was in relation to money and time. How easy it is to lose my rithym, how easy to forget that He has perfect awareness of time and of financial needs. How easy do I begin to ...halt between two sides. Yes, God is wise and I do love Him, but He seems to be kind of slow...things are not moving along as fast as they should, we are in a modern world... a world that gives you instant coffee and better coffee in a fraction of minutes..I think God is not aware of that...mmmm, I think I better figure out a way to make things better----FAST.
And as I start to move in that direction, well stress begins to build, fear, anxiety...aaggg!!!
so I pray:

"O Lord, open my eyes, I want to see things the way they really are...
the way you see things and time,
the way you see my life in the context of the history of humankind
open my eyes, open my eyes to your wisdom, to your concept of time,
to the perfect synchornization that flows from your very heart.
Open my eyes, so I may walk like the shinning moon, with elegance and dignity,
with royal beauty and above all, so I may walk in a steady calm pace, calm enough to play,
calm enough to enjoy the mistery of the night.
O Lord, open my eyes, so I may see the determination in your eyes, the determination to see me shinning brightly in the midst of the darkest night.
O Lord, open my eyes so I may never halt before two sides again.
O Lord, You alone are God!
Give me the grace to walk my life in full awareness of such truth.
I pray in Jesus' name,
May I walk my life in full awareness of the truth that You are God.
amen"

Hebrews 11:1

FAITH IS THE EVIDENCE OF THE THINGS THAT ARE NOT SEEN.
Hebrews 11:1

What is faith?
Some concepts are easier to exemplify than to define. Faith is one such concept so I will try to exemplify.

Faith is NOT:
I am thinking of how people seeking for a change try to act as if they had faith. They choose somebody that really has faith and study their ways.
He wears a red tie, so they go and buy a red tie.
He walks straight, so they walk straight
He has an italian accent, so they begin to take an italian class.
He lifts his hands when he prays, so they begin to raise their hands in prayer.
Then they say the "magic" words to everyone they meet: "I am healed!"

People that do not know the SMELL of faith, will probably shout "Glory to God!"
but others, the ones that know the SMELL of faith will only smile, more out of compasion than joy. Faith is missing...those words are hollow. Unless things change, nothing is really going to happen.
You see, faith does not produce THINGS THAT ARE NOT SEEN. These things ARE, whether we see them or not in the natural. THEY ARE.

Let me talk about Norway to exemplify faith.
Faith is:
When I went to Norway I inmediatly sensed something different in the atmosphere, even while on the plane. I started to sense the change so I sat up straight..."What is it, God?"
My whole being became alert. Something was going on. I had never felt ANYTHING of this sort.
What was going on?
My first morning in Vestby. I got up early and borrowed a bike. Inside the question grew strong. "What is it, Lord? What makes this nation SO different? I feel as if I were in another world."
I got to a small shopping center. The Norwegian flag was up. And God decided to answer me right there in the street. HE SPOKE such words of love, and with such excitement that at times He hadn't finished a sentence and He was already starting another. Hundreds of ideas. "Bea, I love this nation!"
I got off my bike and started to cry. It was overwhelming. Had never experienced such a thing.
"Bea, God loves all the nations of the world..."
"I know, I know" I whisper back "but of how many nations can God actually say: They loved me so much that they have given their sons, just like I gave my son- out of love for the lost."
Once we were at church. And while they were singing a Hymn God whispered very solemly "Bea, I will show you what that Hymn reminds me of, open your eyes and see"
Do you know what I saw?
I saw people gathered in a very solemn way. It was a ceremony to say good-bye to some young handsome men. They sang that hymn, and they prayed. Nobody knew what would become of them, as they moved away into a foreign land: to serve the God who had first loved them.
What struck me was the fact that everyone agreed with the idea. The church was going to support them, and their parents were giving them up to the Lord. The smell, the fragance of such a meeting was similar to a burnt offering sacrifice.

Have you ever been next to a fire? The smell sticks to you. Your clothes, your hair, your skin... same happens with faith.
"Oh, Bea, isn't it good to be here? I love to be here!"
"Bea, my church in Norway...the smell of it is one of the best smells on earth, can you smell it? Stop, smell it...isn't it just out of this world?"

Norway. I saw Jesus dancing in Norway. He was dancing in the midst of a fountain. The sun was hitting the water in such a way that a rainbow was formed. And the wind blew, so the water moved and the rainbow moved, and Jesus danced in between the water and the colors... one song in his heart: "We have a covenant with this nation, they did their part, we shall do ours"

Norway.
"Norway, I miss your smell."
How lucky God is - He can be in more than two places at once.

Middle of the night. The moon shining, even though there are clouds it manages to shine through, but it was not its light that woke me up. It was a party that was going on in late hours of the night. God was celebrating. God singing out loud!!
I was tired, I turn my back and pull up my blanket. "Daddy, Lord...please! I need to sleep!" He sang on. I finally woke up and sat up. And I watched Him in silence. "I hope one day my own life can make you sing that way" I thought- but did not say anything outloud.
Leaving Norway was hard. It is the land where God is happy.

If we talk about Norway I will always sound like this. THE EVEDINCE OF THINGS NOT SEEN. I do not hope for Norway to someday be a land where God can smile. God is smiling in this very moment over Norway.
BUT if you ask people, that haven't heard God, they will tell you "THAT IS A LIE!" People with no faith will tell you a very different story. They will tell you of how empty churches are, they will tell you of all the inmoral things young people are moving in, they will tell you of how modern education has stolen faith from the young ones. People from Norway and people from outside. They will tell you Norway is cold as ice. Nothing happening there!

What is the difference? FAITH.
The Norway I describe is not a product of my imagination.
The Norway I describe is not a man made fantasy to encourage others.
The Norway I describe IS.
GOD SPOKE IT TO BE SO.

If you ask me, no more prayer is needed. IT IS DONE. In due season it will bloom. God said the tulips are growing, and tulips will bloom. "Winter is over, now there is slush, but in due season the tulips will bloom"
"Tell the church in Norway to prepare! the wheat is green and young, but the time for harvest will come! They should not waste their time, they should prepare for the harvest!"

"Bea, give me some EVIDENCE that such things are true."
My FAITH is the evidence of this.
My FAITH is the evidence of things that are not seen.

If God allows me to go to Norway. I will not pray "God smile over this nation and bring a revival"...it sounds so ridiculous!!! God is not only smiling, He dances and sings love songs over Norway!
If God allows me to go to Norway. I will obey God. I will prepare, and prepare others for the harvest.
FAITH makes one walk different.

but if you do not have faith, if you only hear my words and copy them...well you will be a fake.
You will sound void. Empty.
Your smell unto the Lord will not be acceptable.

How do we get faith?
By hearing God.
How can we hear God?
By drawing near to Him, by sitting by His side and closing our own mouth,
by reading the Bible,
by becoming His friend.

Exodus 19:18

MOUNT SINAI WAS ALL WRAPPED IN SMOKE,
FOR THE LORD CAME DOWN UPON IT IN FIRE.
THE SMOKE ROSE FROM IT AS THUGH FROM A FURNACE,
AND THE WHOLE MOUNTAIN TREMBLED VIOLENTLY.
Exoudus 19:18

Hey, that reminds me of a volcanoe in action. Maybe it was a volcanoe and not God...
"Bea, please do not faint. I have a question: sometimes when I read the Bible I wonder "how can I know it is true?"
"My friend, do not faint. I often have the same question myself!"

I think my friend fainted.
So, what is real?
Well I read an article in www.datos.bo.com, written by Zana Petkovic. In it I found the following paragraphs:

The world can be divided in the kingdom of the real facts and the kingdom of the apparent which suffers constant change. According to Plato, the kingdom of the apparent is a cave in which we are seated, giving our backs to a burning flame, staring at the walls. While between us and the fire the real figures walk by projecting their shades upon the wall and these constitute our reality.
Nevertheless, Aristoteles does not erase the difference between the world of the ideas and the world of the apparent, he generalizes them. Aristoteles decides to change the idea into shape and substance; and chances the possible into real and does not convert real into apparent and ideas, or as we would say today, he transforms the improbable into probabe and viceverse.

Deep no? So what is real? Is the Bible real? Is God real? How much of the Bible is real?
Too bad Plato and Aristoteles are not about, they would have probably been able to explain things in a better way than me.
You see I have a winnie-the-pooh type of brain. Extremly simple. So my explanation won´t be so profound. But I hope it may help you out.

Have you ever been slobbbered? Lets say, has anybody sneezed real strong in front of you and your face received the slober?
"BEA!!!!!! YUCK!!!" sorry. It is the best example I can find. (I told you Aristoteles was a better option)
When such a thing happens you feel that YUCK feeling for hours later, even after you have washed yourself and after you have put perfume on. That feeling just won´t simply leave you.

Incredulity works the same. It sticks to you. Even if you quickly brush it off.
So when you are talking with somebody intellectual and mention God, he will probably laugh at you and say something like "I thought you were much smarter than to believe that!"
You quickly rationalize something clever. Like "Faith is the assurance of things not seen", but you have been spitted upon. Slobber is slidding down your face. And the grip of incredulity won't let go.
So you open your Bible and suddenly it feels so empty and cold. History or fairy tales?

The one thing that I find cleans me up is to read the Bible more and more, and wait upon God. I read as I wait for the Spirit to renew my faith.
I have also learned some tricks. I am more cautious as to whom I say things like "God told me" or "I saw God smiling" or "I heard God whistling"
I talk about God but usually say things like "I read in the Bible...." Or I read in a book or I heard a preacher say once.
Is it wrong?
No. I believe in being cautious. Even Jesus told us to be clever. Why speak in a way that will only hurt you and not really cause others to believe?

In fact if you visit me now you would probably be suprised to see that I do not speak that much. And often when I do speak it is irrrelevant and superficial stuff.Why? Incredulity.
My little sister asked me "ok, how am I supposed to know that God really told you that?"
"Well, if you improve your communication with Him, you could go up to Him and ask Him. God did you really tell Bea that?"
She thought I was making fun of her. I was not.

Incredulity almost killed me. It was hard. Since I was in a pentecostal environment I would hear people say things like "God told me" or "God, speak to us...what do you want us to do?"
So I started to share what I heard, saw and felt in the spiritual realm.
Surprise!!!!
Soon I started to feel I was crazy. Incredulity was often the answer to my words.

"I was praying last night for the people in the jungle and I could hear them crying out to God"
"Bea, YOU hear voices????" gulp.

One day we were in a meeting, several leaders and I. We were discussing missions.
"But you guys, just look at the map!"
silence. "Bea, there is no map." gulp.
one of the pastors noticed my pain and confusion.
"Bea, I see the map!"
"What color is it?" silence
"Bea, do not worry, one day I will see the map."

Incredulity. It dampens a relationship. I started to choose whom to talk to openly. And obviously this limited my conversations with the rest. And they became, dear but superficial friends.
I have friends with whom I can talk freely about God. Even about my own incredulity. And it is special. And I will make a comment that may hurt some, but that is not my intention at all. I really love each one of you in a special way.
But I have a friend, that hears God the way I do. And it is so much fun to be with her. I can tell her EVERYTHING. And many times before I finish the phrase she knows what God had in mind. We have such a good time when we meet. And so does God. I think that at the present the percentage of people who believe Him is small. So it is neat when He finds one who believes but even more fun to have TWO who believe Him together.
I dared to make this comment with a hope, the hope that you will be challenged to be in this group.
To be one that believes God.
Belief brings you so close to Him! If you do not believe Him He will continue to love you but He will not dare speak of His wildest dreams. He is careful with those precious dreams.

"Bea, but is He real? or a fantasy of your imagination? That was the real question"
Sorry...I got distracted.
Well, I have a winnie-the- pooh type of brain... have problems with numbers, and computers.
BUT one thing I do know.
God is real.
What most people walk in is real, but temporal and fragile. A bomb falls and it is gone. Whoosh! just like that.
The spiritual world is also real, but it is eternal. People will live eternally separated from God or eternally near God.
I strongly recommend you get to know this world. The spiritual wordl. The real world.

Joshua 15:13

CALEB SAID:
I WILL GIVE MY DAUGHTER ACHSA IN MARRIAGE TO THE ONE
WHO ATTACKS cARIATH-SEPHER AND CAPTURES IT.
Joshua 15:13

When I used to read this it would make me angry. Women have often used as baits, but in the Bible? By a neat man of God? How disgusting! grrrrrrrrrrr.......
But last year God open my eyes to the implications in it.
"Bea, you love many of the young girls at church. How do you feel when a yerk begins to get near them?"
Oh!!! I do not like them. These are sweet girls, they need someone who will care for them. Someone who will protect and provide for them.
"Exactly, and how will you know they will do that?"
hhhmmm...good question. I am not sure.
"you test people, and that is what Caleb did. Do you understand that he could have captured the city? Caleb could have done it on his own. But it was time for his daughter to marry. And this was the best way to find her a good man.
Otoniel conquered the city. By this he gained a lot, more than a wife.
He gained honor before Caleb´s eyes and before his daughter and before the people of Israel.
He became a man.
A man that people could actually look up to.
He became a leader. (read Judges 3 wow. what a man!!!)

Otoniel got up and conquered a city that was the hardest to conquer because it was in the mountains. Caleb got a clear message.
This man will fight against anyone that may try to harm her.
This man will be able to provide food and clothing for her.
This man will do anything for my daughter. I can trust him with my precious one.

How romantic, no?
I sadly see our modern world. It is a total mess. We have all helped one way or the other.

Women decided that the old rituals were for the old. Men used to have to give flowers and serenades and really work their way in order to conquer the one they loved.
Now days, they ask a girl out for coffee and then jump into bed.
We get married before our husbands can support us, and we boldly declare "I will work, while you study!"
We make is so easy for them- supposedly out of love.
The strange thing is that because they never conquered a city, they do not become worthy of honor before our eyes. And then it is so hard to submit. Always in our hearts we have this..."I am not sure if I can trust you with my life. I never saw you conquer a city. I have always helped with the supplies. I cannot honor you from the deepest part of my heart"

We have made our men "weaklings" who as years go by we look down upon.
"If it weren´t for me, you wouldn´t have gotten anywhere...how I wish I had married a man"

Talk to most women who have gone through this. Most are unhappy with their relationship or they are divorced.
We were told to honor our husbands as head of the home.
Could we really? if we had never seen them conquer a city?
They conquered a young romantic woman's heart...but a city? did they really have to pay a price to win us?

We wonder why homosexuality is so popular. We shouldn´t we have broken to many rules.
Even the ones full of romance, and boldness like the one we find in Otoniel's life. Men are tired of being looked down upon by women, and women are tired of not finding a man to look up to. So men are turning to men and women are turning to women....going into an ever deeper whole of confussion and emptiness.

I think it is time we go back to the basics.
Dragon´s capture the princess, the prince rescues her, and she falls deeply in love.
She has found a man that she can trust. One that will do anything to protect and provide.
She can take her place, and honor the man of the home.

Men, be bold- go out and capture dragons and conquer cities!
Women, don´t make things easy for them.

Mark 10:21

AND JESUS, LOOKING UPON HIM, LOVED HIM,
AND SAID TO HIM, "YOU ARE LACKING ONE THING,
GO, SELL WHATEEVER YOU HAVE, AND GIVE IT TO THE POOR...
AND COME, FOLLOW ME."
BUT THE MAN....WENT AWAY SAD.
Mark 10:17

In some versions it says "Jesus looked upon him with love"
This is a total mistery to me. How can one see that love look and resist it? It has been that look that has taken me to the strangest situations. HIS LOVE has melted me and continues to melt me. HIS LOVE takes me to obedience.
Now, here it has to do with money. But obedience does not necessarily always imply money.
Yes, it is true that some have had to leave everything and set of to ministry.
But right now I smile as I know of a large group of people who out of obedience ARE NOT in the ministry...and their hearts are acking to be there.
Some of these guys have to be in collegue, in a classroom, in a safe place- but their hearts are out with the homeless children.
Some are back home, living with mom and dad, learning to honor them despite the fact that they are not christians, and have wounded them deeply in the past.
Some are resting, out of obedience, just resting.
And last year I had to leave ministry and church attendance in order to pay full attention to God.
None of us expected such a command. But we are obeying out of love for God.

So as I read this it brought light into my life. I had always limited this passage to the money thing. But it is much more. It is a great example of one of the wonders of God and humanity. God reaching out to mankind, mankind turning its back on God.
Look at the way the man meets Jesus. He runs up to Him and kneels down before Him, and declares "Good Master"
wow
Isn't it like that? How many people have you seen that run to church and are really happy in church...until they are called into obedience. Until God commands.
Then they turn away.

That year, reading my Bible brought a lot of light into my life and a lot of deliverance. I had a huge burden that was really taking a lot of my strenght away. I think it took a lot of joy from ministry. It was a lie. That lie was simple, it stated that:
IF you love people enought they will turn to God.

It is nowhere in the Bible. The story above repeats itself from Genesis to Revelations. God loving people, people turning their back on God.
I think I picked up this lie from the testimonies that are published on magazines and on tv. We always chose the "happily ever after" type of testimonies. So I got to see it as the cause and effect law. You love, people will love you and God.
Not true.
A lie.

In this story a man hits Jesus' eyes full of love for him,
but there is also a command.
And he turns his back on such love, because he does not want to obey the command.

It has happened since Genesis. It continues to happen.
It is a relief to see the light.
I had felt so guilty for not loving enough, so people could turn to God.
Let me state it again.
I was dieing under the thought that some people were not drawing close to God,
because I was not loving them enough.

"Maybe, another phone call. Maybe, another visit. Maybe not prayed enough. Maybe not fasted enough. Maybe not gave enough..."
This includes my ex-husband. So many women from church kept coming up and telling me of how they had loved their husbands to the point of repentance. One lady told me how her husband would make her sleep in the street, but that through love and prayer he had changed. i am truly amazed at the whole story. And I thank God for the change in that man.
But it was not my case, so for years I walked with guilt. IF...
and this left a deep deep wound in my heart. A wound that got worse as I tried to reach out to people and to love them as Jesus loved me and then I saw how people did not love in return, how even if they chose to love me, they chose to turn their back on God...and it almost killed me.
What was I doing wrong?
Why was it not enough?
What key was I missing?
What "new and deeper" revelation did I need?

I had given so much, I had even stolen precious time from my kids...what more could I give?

It is a painful truth. Specially since I now see my own son walking in disobedience to God.
But it is one that has brought forth deliverance.
I do my part, God does his- people are free to chose.

And do you understand that THIS is a true demostration of love?
To respect people's choice is to love them.
it is to say: you are a person, not an animal, you deserve respect.
I will respect your decision, even if it will bring pain- to God, to me and to you.
I love you, I will respect your decision.
There is no greater love.

Jesus loved the man...but allowed him to walk away.

Isaia 58:2

THEY SEEK ME DAY AFTER DAY, AND DESIRE TO KNOW MY WAYS,
LIKE A NATION THAT HAS DONE WHAT IS JUST AND NOT ABANDONED
THE LAW OF THEIR GOD; THEY ASK ME TO DECLARE WHAT IS DUE THEM,
PLEASED TO GAIN ACCES TO GOD.
"WHY DO WE FAST, AND YOU DO NOT SEE IT?
AFFLICT OURSELVES, AND YOU TAKE NO NOTE OF IT?"
Isaia 58:2

I strongly recommend you read the whole chapter.
Again, I do fast.
BUT we should not be surprised if we do not have a revival.

We are not asking for justice, we are not making sure justice is done.
In many rich countries abortion is now legal. What have christians done to stop this?
In poor countries women and children are abused. What has the church done?

In rich countries old folks are sent to old people's homes,
in poor countries they stay home but they are laughed at and scorned.

In rich countries children are left alone because their parents have to work,
In poor countries children are left alone because their parents HAVE to work.
These kids grow up alone, in the streets or in front of their tv.
Drugs, knocking at their door find them easy victims.

Teen agers are having sex at the age of twelve or less.
Early pregnancies, abortion, aids...

Do you know what goes on outside "your" world?
Homosexuality is now acceptable and promoted.
Child abuse no longer surprises us, we sigh but nothing more.

We are now too busy inside the church, conferences, seminars, prayer meetings, worship meetings...no time to reach out. No time to bring justice to the dying world outside.
Do we really want God to answer our fast?
Then it is time we move outside...to bring justice to a dying world.

It is time that we get our overalls on, and go out to a dying world.

Do we want God to answer our fast?
We have a lot to do: clean up our hearts and focus on the outside...
We have a lot to do, but there is hope:

I WILL TURN MY HAND AGAINST YOU,
AND REFINE YOUR DROSS IN THE FURNACE,
REMOVING ALL YOUR ALLOY.
I WILL RESTORE YOUR JUDGES AS AT FIRST,
AND YOUR COUNSELORS AS IN THE BEINNING;
AFTER THAT YOU SHALL BE CALLED
CITY OF JUSTICE, FAITHFUL CITY.
SION SHALL BE REDEEMED BY JUDGMENT,
AND HER REPENTANT ONES BY JUSTICE.
Isaia 1: 26-27

Jeremia 3:3

THEREFORE THE SHOWERS WERE WITHHELD,
THE SPRING RAIN FAILED. BUT BECAUSE YOU HAVE A HARLOT'S BROW,
YOU REFUSED TO BLUSH.
EVEN NOW DO YOU NOT CALL ME:
"MY FATHER,
YOU WHO ARE THE BRIDEGROOM OF MY YOUTH"?
WILL HE KEEP HIS WRATH FOREVER, WILL HE HOLD HIS GRUDGE TO THE END?
THIS IS WHAT YOU SAY; YET YOU DO ALL THE EVIL YOU CAN.
Jeremia 3:3

We have prayed sooooooooooooooooooo long: "let it rain, Lord!"
and we are beginning to wonder if HE is deaf or something... we keep trying to find ways to keep our faith, not to lose hope. And we pray and pray and pray.

Do not take me wrong- I AM AN INTERCESSOR. I pray a lot.
But last year when we lost the revival my eyes were opened to a terrible truth.
God will not give us a revival as long as we keep doing all the evil we can.
AND in the eyes of many people I was a spiritual woman of God.
BUT before God- my heart was full of indecent things, He was not about to walk in my midst.

God said:
"Bea, what do you think? That I do not want a revival?
I went to the cross for that revival.
I do want it.
But give me one, only one holy heart in which I can deposit my glory...
do you have it, BEA?
No, you don't. Do you know what would happen should I come down upon you,
Me being a HOLY, HOLY, HOLY God?
You would be killed instantly. And so would all the rest that keep praying, but
do not repent, do not change their ways, do not change their hearts.
Bea, I love you guys,;I want a revival not a massacre.
You guys get cleaned up. Then we can talk on what the next step should be."

BUT THIS PEOPLE'S HEART IS STUBBORN AND REBELLIOUS, THEY TURN AND GO AWAY, AND SAY NOT IN THEI HEARTS, "LET US FEAR THE LORD, OUR GOD, WHO GIVES US RAIN EARLY AND LATE, IN ITS APPOINTED WEEKS OF HARVEST."
YOUR CRIMES HAVE PREVENTED THESE THINGS,
YOUR SINS HAVE TURNED BACK THESE BLESSINGS FROM YOU.
Jeremia 5:23-25

So, here I am feeling ever so small. I know of all the prayer movements and all the intercessors that are about. Yet I have no idea of how to reach them and how to point all of this out...
before we start telling the church to clean up. I think intercessors and church leaders should go before God and say:
"Father, test my heart"
this is where the revival will start.

Deuteronomy 23:13-15

OUTSIDE YOUR CAMP YOU SHALL HAVE A PLACE SET ASIDE TO
BE USED AS A LATRINE. YOU SHALL ALSO KEEP A TROWEL IN YOUR
EQUIPMENT AND WITH IT, WHEN YOU GO OUTSIDE TO EASE NATURE,
YOU SHALL FIRST DIG HOLE AND AFTERWARD COVER UP YOUR
EXCREMENT. SINCE THE LORD, YOUR GOD, JOURNEYS ALONG WITHIN
YOUR CAMP TO DEFEND YOU AND TO PUT YOUR ENEMIES AT YOUR MERCY,
YOUR CAMP MUST BE HOLY; OTHERWISE, IF HE SEES ANYTHING INDECENT
IN YOUR MIDST, HE WILL LEAVE YOUR COMPANY.
Deuteronomy 23:13-15

I will have to say this, over and over again: I have read the whole Bible. It does speak of a new covenant, but it does NOT speak of a new God. God continues to be Holy.

"Yes, Bea, but in case you don't know we have computers...and bathrooms."

I know. But this verse makes me think. God likes higiene.
Last year one of the things I had to do during the retreat (no, I was not praying all the time) was to clean my house. It was a small house. But I kept throwing things out, or giving them away. I was surprised at the amount of things that I had stored and the kind of things that I had stored. They all weighed upon my back.
so many of the things were: "future projects" or "need to do" projects or "in case of emergency" projects.
I kept throwing out, and throwing out, and throwing out.

How is your bedroom?
Your closet?
Your drawers?
Your desk?

Your thoughts? Can God really walk in their midst? or does he find indecent things?
Your heart? Can God really walk in it? or is too crowded and filled with junk?

As I had to clean my house, God would mention things in my heart.
"Do you know why you hang onto this? Because you do not trust me 100%, you keep thinking that one day I will forget to supply for your needs...and then you can sell this"

I also noticed that with so many things cluttered everywhere it was hard to really take advantage of things properly. I wasted so much space. The same happened in my mind, it was cluttered with all kinds of wrong ideas, or irrelevant ideas, or good ideas but stored who knows where so they where hard to find the moment I needed them. All these confusion affected my daily decisions and made me lose a lot of victories. Victories which where blood bought by Jesuschrist for me on the cross- I lost them, because there were indecent things in my heart.

We cleaned out the house and the difference was soon observed by my friends.
I hope one day, they will notice the difference in my heart too.
I keep throwing out junk and keep longing for the day that the Lord will walk in and open His eyes wide an say: "Hey! It is so neat and clean...it is inviting, I think I will move in for good!"

Ok- I know that because I recieved Jesus as my saviour the Holy Spirit abides in me no matter what, but I do want to participate in the process of cleaning up...so He can actually see my heart as a place of rest. I really do.
And you know what, I do not think it is impossible. God the creator is my master. He can create a new heart in me. I am pushing this issue as one of my priorities.

Since the Lord, your God, journeys along wihtin your camp....your camp must be holy.
Since the Lord, your God, journeys along within your heart.....your heart must be holy.

I Timothy 2:12

FOR I DO NOT ALLOW A WOMAN TO TEACH,OR TO EXERCISE
AUTHORITY OVER MEN.
I Timothy 2:12

My sister also had questions on this issue.
It is true, I am a woman.
And I truly believe that men should be the ones to have the authority.
But we must face reality.
Men are too distracted. They have decided that church, prayer, and fasting is ok for their wives; but it is not their task.
The large numbers of women having to rear their children on their own is something we cannot ignore. Fathers have decided to leave their place of authority because it is too big a responsability and well, life is more fun if you leave the load on the "submissive" wife. (the word submissive is often used the wrong way, but I will not stop to analyse this now)
Even when the father is present, he is often more a burden than a good leader. Even in christian homes. Are women supposed to abandon their children because their husbands do not take their rightful place of authority?
Same happens in the church. Men are absent. Men do not care to carry "the children" around. Somebody has to do the job.
The moment enough men are around taking care of the leadership- I will sit down.

"But, Bea- does God agree?"
Well, I will tell you of a time when I was sent to the jungle. This was on another trip.
I arrived to an indigenous zone. (Caviveños)
We had traveled several days. And on this specific day we had to be on a canoe and then
we had to walk through the jungle.
By the time we arrived we were drained.
Somebody opened the church building and allowed us to sit in the shade while he went to
get the church leaders.
My "team" found the church benches comfortable enough to take a nap.
My "team" was composed of: an old man- owner of the canoe
and three teen agers, the oldest 13.
The leaders finally arrived. They were nice and clean, so I knew they had bathed before
coming to meet me.
The kids woke up and greeted and then left to explore.
I stood there.
Drained and sweaty. Wearing boots, kacki pants and a long sleeve shirt (mosquitoe bites...)
The men sat across from me. A huge space between us. Five men. Dark and serious.

I took a deep breath, and looked at God.
Indian men, do not hear women. That is a fact.
I swallowed hard.
God took my hand and told me "say each word that I whisper into your ear"
I obeyed (take a note of that)
this was more or less the intruduction:
"Dear brothers,
First of all allow me to apologize for being a woman.
God tried to get much better candidates to come, but the men would not obey.
And because He needed the message delivered at once He decided to use me.
BUT if one of the men He spoke to would have obeyed, He would be here-instead of me."

Hard on my ego. But I knew it was true.
Peace filled the air. We all knew that it was true.

The message was one of encouragement.
The message was extremely important- I did not understand until afterwars how important my obedience and the message were.
I had prophetic word for each one. Each beautiful.
but when I prayed for the leader I knew I was before a king.
Huge respect filled my heart....what a privilege...what a privilege....wow
(glad some men were too lazy to obey)
God told the king:
"My son do not be afraid.
Tomorrow you face a giagiant, but you will kill Him.
Remember David?
He killed bears before killing the giagiant
You, my son, have killed tigers. Be encouraged, be bold-
tomorrow you will kill the giagiant."

Afterwards I was told that He had asked all the leaders of the his people to gather, to ask them to repent and truly turn to God. They had once walked down the path of life, but now were once more walking in sin.
My jaw dropped open when I heard this...
how cool! how neat God's timing is!
How important our obedience to His voice!!!!

God also told me that on judgement day I will be a witness against the men who chose not to obey.
me, the old man, and the three teen agers will stand before them while they try to give their reasons for their disobedience:
It was too dangerous (true, my son fell into the lake filled with dangerous shark like fish)
It was too hard (the fact that the teenagers took a nap when we got there says a lot. It was hard. I got bitten by some bug and got a high fever, had to take medicine and sleep a lot)

I had children, if something had happened to me.... (I had three of my own, and on the trip I took three, one mine, two borrowed)

It was expensive, one would need to be rich to get there (It was expensive, if I had had more money I would have gone more often, I had to pay for my own trips, had to drink less coke, and postpone some luxeries)

It was too far. (It took us about 5 days to get there)

I did not have a map (I didn't either, God guided my every step)

I am glad that I won't be in those men's shoes.

men wake up! it is due season to arise!

Anybody who might be upset by my accepting leadership in the church despite the fact that I am a woman: I will sit down when enough men have taken their place.

I do not want God to use a rock instead of me.
I will go, I will obey.

chuch wake up...no more excuses please!!!!!!

I Timothy 3:4-5

HE SHOULD RULE WELL HIS OWN HOUSEHOLD,
KEEPING HIS CHILDREN UNDER CONTROL AND PERFECTLY RESPECTFUL.
FOR IF A MAN CANNOT RULE HIS OWN HOUSEHOLD,
HOW IS HE TO TAKE CARE OF THE CHURCH OF GOD?
I Timothy 3:4-5

My sister asked me this last monday.
Good important question.
If you look at my house with your eyes you will most likely ask the same thing:
"how dare you minister other, how dare you take your stand as a pastor, when your own 3 boys are a mess?"
my sister did not use such harsh words... but it is true, my boys are a "present- not permanent" mess.
Let me give you a broader look into my home.
I got married at 21. And had three boys. By the time the third boy was born our marriage was already facing dramatic strain. Both my ex-husband and I had fallen into rutine type of relationship with God. "The worries of this world"ç(pay the rent, buy diapers, etc.etc) took their toll in our once fervent love for God. And later on sin walked into our home and death was the result of something that could have been a splenderous love story.
This knocked me into my senses and I started to draw near God. I was surprised to find my heart filled with all kinds of weeds that killed all the beautiful and fruitful plants. I started a long process of putting my own heart into shape, and into bringing light into my boys path.
I have done several things wrong. That is why destruction took its toll. I was driving along the road, doing a pretty good job, then I got distracted by sin and lost control of the car. We heard the screaching of the wheels, I tried to get control, but it was too late. The car started to spin and then we just bounced down the cliff.
We are alive. Out of God's aboundant mercy and grace. I often take a deep breath, just to make sure I am alive. With each breath I am remembered of His grace.
I had to walk through 40 days of facing God's wrath.
and 10 months of severe discipline.

Afterwards, God has judged me and found me clean.
His fire had purified me.
And out of God being God (can't find any better way to put it) ...
He has decided to give me the pastoral ministry back.
I will need all eternity long, just to say: Thank you, thank you God.

But this is not my only reply, there is another, one that feels me with joy.
I heard God say in a loud and clear voice:
"So, you have dared to face my wrath. I must confess I am perplex at your love
for these boys. You did not only turn your heart back to me, you did not only humble
yourself before me, you did not only beg for mercy...you actually walked straight into
my wrath, you keep pushing the fire aside to draw near me to ask for mercy for your
children. Bea Gasca I am perplexed at your love for your boys.
You could have gotten killed, you know?.....
I am truly perplexed at your love for these boys.
Bea Gasca, rest now, rest now- I will bless your boys. I promise, I will touch your boys."

So, if you open your eyes to the spiritual. You will see God moving in favor ...over my sons.
It may be a while yet, before you can see in the natural, that which God is doing now in the depths of their hearts. But the roots will be deep and strong, and their splendor will make me and God blush with pride- the good kind of pride. The "daddy and mommy are proud of you" kind of pride.---pride maybe the wrong word, who cares...believe me We will smile (God and I) and tears will fill ours eyes as we secretly remember all those months of fire, and then look at those men who were brought forth- from that fire.

Romans 9:20-21

O MAN, WHO ARE YOU TO REPLY TO GOD?
DOES THE OBJECT MOULDED SAY TO HIM WHO MOULDED IT:
WHY HAVE YOU MADE ME LIKE THIS?
OR IS NOT THE POTTER MASTER OF HIS CLAY?
Romans 9:20-21

Church, wake up! God is the master!!!
I have to speak of my past foolishness again.
I once acted as if God were not the master. I wanted to chose the shape He would mold me into.
When God would tell me I was a prophet I litterally turned my back on Him. A prophet I did not want to be. I have read my Bible since I was a child, I knew what prophets had to go through. I was not interested in such a job.
I did the same with my pastoral ministry. Too much responsability. Being a mother of three I was well aware of the difference between an object, a plant, a pet and a human being. I really believed that if I ignored my ministry as a pastor then God would not demand people's lives from me.
How wrong I was. Due to my foolishness the Body of Christ has suffered great loss. Many have been wounded, and many have walked in confusion and disappointment. AND at the end of that day God did ask me to render accounts on them people who He had appointed to me!
Ouch is not enough.
Repentance has to come through.
I do repent.
I am now in the process of accepting my ministries. Fear has been casted out, not because I "know it all" but because I do not want to hear God asking me again (ever again)
"BEA GASCA WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?!?"
The sterness of His voice. The wrath in His eyes...that I fear. And such fear gives me a tremendous boldness to raise and take hold of that which is and was mine from the very start.
DO NOT by any means dare to say something like:
"Bea, I told you all things work out together for good,
you made a mistake but now...look at you!!!"
DO NOT say such words. I will knock all your teeth out.
TOO many people were killed, too many hurt ... NO WAY to excuse that.

If I had obeyed God, years back. If I had looked at this Bible verse and had said "amen, your will be done, not mine," these people's blood would not have covered my hands.

We are seeking for a revival. We better get things straight fast.
What are our ministries? Accept them and start training fast!!!!

I must declare the truth. And the truth is that there were two ministries that I truly have enjoyed. One is the ministry of encouraging others. I like this one a lot. There is a certain perfume in it that is hard to resist. It is not necessarily an easy task- I once had to travel 3 days into the jungle to find a young man, simply to say "be encouraged, God has not forgotten you!"
So, easy it is not. But the look in that young man's eyes...such a reward, and then God's gentle whisper "Thanks, Bea, I appreciate it a lot" ... I like doing this-a lot.
The other ministry I enjoy is teaching. I feel comfortable with it, and it is fun. There is a lot of hope in this ministry. The hope of seeing people's lives changed as truth begins to light their path.
Saddly enough I haven´t been able to carry out these ministries out as well as I could, due to the lack of a leadership that would be willing to accept such ministries and also trust what God had already done in me in order to support me in a more effective way.

Leaders HAVE TO get past their own selfishness. They have to look beyond. We are no longer in times "to play church." There is so much talk from leaders asking people to get involved, yet when people do arise they do not trust that which God has done in these people, they hesitate and put all sorts of obstacles in people's way.
Leaders, we are way too distracted. Time we stop. Time we look at God and take Him, REALLY take Him as the Master of all.
Leaders it is time we stop and go back to the word of God.

Church, wake up...God is the Master not us
Church, wake up...wake up, we are late...wake up....God is the Master, not us, not us.

May He really be the master of our lives.

Col 2:2

THAT THEIR HEARTS MAY BE COMFORTED, AND THEY
THEMSELVES WELL EQUIPPED IN CHARITY AND IN ALL
THE RICHES OF COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING, SO AS TO
KNOW THE MYSTERY OF GOD THE FATHER OF CHRIST JESUS,
IN WHOM ARE HIDDEN ALL THE TREASURES OF WISDOM
AND KNOWLEDGE.
Colossians 2:2

All the treasures of wisdom and knowledge are hidden in God.
We have access to COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING to know the mystery of God.

I could stop right there. WOW...

This morning I was reading a short story for the class I will teach tonight. Please be patient with me as I share it:
John arrives to his friends house and finds him dead, and he also finds a poem dedicated to him. Such an event pushes John into confusion, he leaves the house, he cannot call the cops because he himself is a thief.
He goes into all kinds of problems trying to figure out what is happening, people shoot at him, and persecute him. At the same time the police is on the look out for him.
He has no clue as to what is going on, so he does not know HOW to go about, WHO to call for support, or WHERE a good hidding place could be. He runs, he gets in a car, he leaves the car, he jumps into the bushes...all in fear, all in anguish, all in confusion.
Finally he is caught by one of the bad guys. They want him to give them information, but he has no idea of what is going on so he cannot be of any help.
As the guy beats him, and asks him questions, John is able to get VITAL information. He still does not have the information he is requested but now he understands WHY his friend was killed and WHAT the general picture looks like.
His persecuters leave him alone for a while. John is left laying on the floor, his hands tied, bleeding and bruised. He gets up, everything hurts but he is confident:
HE HAS A CLEAR MIND, he now understands what is going on, NOW he can escape...
and he does.

Do you get it? Why does the Apostle Paul continously talk of the need of knowledge and understanding of God?
IT GIVES US A CLEAR MIND, and then we can escape

Understanding of God gives us confidence...I am walking in such confidence that most people get upset..."BUT you should...AND you should...BEA!!!! REACT!!!!! ...time...money...your kids....BEA!!!!"
I was with God a whole year. I understand His ways a bit more.
I am bleeding and bruised and tied, BUT I have a clear mind...I will escape, I will be ok

Understanding of God comforts our heart... I am walking in such comfort, a deep comfort that many confuse for lack of love toward my sons.

Understanding of God equippes us for charity... I continue to love, and care for others as if I had never seen pain, this warmth is noticed and accepted only by the weakest ones.

Understanding of God... a key element to be set free.
There is hope.
Through the sacrifice of Christ on the cross we have access to:
COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING TO KNOW THE MYSTERY OF GOD

These are good, very good news.
Is your family in total chaos?
Is your brain full of lies and confusion, and you do not now who is who and where to go?

It happened to me, and not too long ago.
I bless God. The only one true God, who out of a love that I can´t understand but that I accept, chose to have mercy and opened my heart to Him.
I honor the God who is God. Who out of His mercy, pushed my ....my everything aside, and took me by the hand, sat me by His side and shared with me a lot of Himself, so I could have a bit of understanding, a bit of knowledge of who He really is.
I render my life to the living God whom I met last year, alone in my house and through a Bible that somebody took the time to translate, to publish and sell.
I adore the God who is God, who by showing himself to me has given me a CLEAR MIND and a real option to escape the mess and fear in which I was living in.
All glory be given to the God of the cross, who took the cross to open an access so we could reach for COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THE MYSTERY OF GOD.

"God...You ARE God. Now I know there is true hope."