Acts 20:28

FEED AND CARE FOR THE CHURCH OF GOD.
HE BOUGHT IT WITH HIS OWN BLOOD.
Acts 20:28

Father God and Jesus were speaking:
- It is time we let her know.
* I know, but I do not want to tell her...I am not sure she will like the idea too much.
- I know what you mean, she didn't take the pastor bit too well, but we do have to tell her...
* Why don't we ask the Holy Spirit to tell her? You know He won't mind the task.

The Holy Spirit agreed and came to visit me:
-Bea, you have been praying and asking what church you should congregate with...
* Yeah?
- Well, you can choose any, you will be hurt no matter where you go.

SPLASH!
That was a cold water bucket being spilled over my head..

Holy Spirit does His best not to crack up, but...He does. My face must have really been a sight!
I reach for a towel to dry myself, and can't help laughing a bit myself. (God knwos me sooo well!)
Then we begin to talk.
We talk about people and their deep need for love.
We talk about people and their sinfulness.
We talk about how it is so much harder to love than to organize a seminar or a chrisitan concert.
We talk about the times I have been hurt and betrayed.
We talk about how no matter where we set our eyes, people are lonely and hurt-including leaders of the church.
We talk about that boy that committed suicide despite the fact that I had offered to help, a boy that chose to die instead of trusting someone else again and then get hurt.
We talked about the many women who are living alone, choosing loneliness than the risk of being hurt again.
We talked about how hard it is for pastors to have friends, due to the wrong and high expectations people place on them.
We talked about how in the church we preach on love, yet do not love.( love includes discipline)

and after talking for a long time, we were silent. Each thinking of different things.
Me pondering on the risk it involves to draw near God.
He pondering if I would dare to love again.
Me wondering if I has the strenght to recieve more pain ...
He thinking of all those waiting for a friend.
Me wondering why it had to be so painful,
He thinking of the cross; of the cost to make me a vessel of love and then wondering if I would accept it all.
Me wondering of His patience and care...a whole year to heal me and then say: pick up your cross.

He looked at me and said:
"Bea, you do understand, don't you?
Do you know understand that when I said "pick up your cross" I do not mean get full of church activieties?
Do you understand that pick up your cross means to love?
and do you understand that when you pick up your cross you will be crucified?

I knew from His look that this message was an important one. I had to get to the point of undestanding that when you love you often get hurt. Deeply hurt. We are in a sinful world. This is reality. This is reality. It is not true that if we love, people will love us back- not always. Many, many times we will be crucified.
Silence again.

I quietly remember how thankful I am for Jesus' obedience, for His picking of His cross...for His love.
I quietly remember how many times after pondering on the cross I have said: ask anything I will obey.
Now He has asked:
FEED AND CARE FOR THE CHURCH OF GOD.

and as if I needed some extra encouragement He adds:
HE BOUGHT IT WITH HIS OWN BLOOD.