Acts 20: 32

AND NOW I COMMEND YOU TO GOD AND TO THE WORD OF HIS GRACE,
WHO IS ABLE TO BUILD UP AND TO GIVE THE INHERITANCE
AMONG ALL THE SANCTIFIED.
Acts 20:32

My dear friend,
For a couple of months I have shared my walk with God. As God would speak to me through His word I have printed some of it down in this blog. Now it is time for you to continue on your own.
I have shared freely and openly about what God was teaching me, about how He was dealing with my heart, just to show you that it is possible for one to draw near God.
I have not attempted to be "the wise one" and "the one with all the answers", no that was not and is not my intention at all. In fact many lessons are not even finished! they are just starting to unfold! But They are there in your own Bible, and you have the same God...so if you take your time with God, you will be able to continue on and to finish the lessons...lessons on unity, on love, on God's idea of what a man or a woman are etc. etc.
No my intention was not to be THE source of your revelation...
My intention is to tear the myth that the Bible is only for a couple of people, for the wise, for the intelectuals, for the religious....it is not. A Bible in one's own (modern) language is a fountain of fresh water to all who aproach it with a thirsty and humble heart.

I have taught you the most important lesson of all:
READ YOUR BIBLE!

Now you are on your own, it is time you walk your own path.
You have a different story to write than mine.
You have a different life to live for God.

You have your Bible.
You have access to God through the cross of Jesuschrist.
Now go.
Go my friend and search God's heart through His divine word.

Make it your goal not to let go.
Fight for your time with God as one fight's for ones own life.
Do not give up, just because it is not simple.
Do not give up because you discover that God is not like Santa Clause
Do not give up when you find words like "carry your cross"
DO NOT GIVE UP.

Push on, push for more of God. God is life, real life.

May He continue to smile upon you.
May He take you by your hand and lead you down the path of your own life.
In His love,... which continues to amaze me.
Beatriz Gasca

Luke 10:29

THE MAN TRIED TO MAKE HIMSELF LOOK GOOD.
HE ASKED JESUS, "WHO IS MY NEIGHBOR?"
Luke 10:29

How foolish can I be? Is there a way to measure the amount of foolishness that rules my heart and my life?A neighbor asked me to throw out their trash because they were never home on the days the truck came by to pick up the thrash. So I did. "No problem!" I said. But on that morning I regreated my friendly gesture.There were several bags inside a plastic container. The weather has been hot and humid. I opended the container and the bad smell pentetrated to the deepest part of my soul. Later on I even had to change my clothes and put them in the washing machine!Not only that. One of the bags was ripped so I had to put it inside another bag before taking it out. And in the place where it was ripped hundreds of worms were growning nice and fat. I almost threw up.I pulled the bags out, and to my utter dismay I discovered that one of the bags had some sort of liquid dripping out. The container had to be emptied, and rinsed out.Through the whole process that putrid smell filled the air.I really regret having said yes.Well, at least it is now done. It is over with. The trash is gone. I threw it out. The collector came by. It is gone. It has been thrown out.But the memory is not gone.
I cannot erase it. It sticks to my head. I wonder at my foolishness.
Why do I hang on to the trash (sin) in my heart?
and not only that I even attempt to justify myself!
I really try to make myself look good!!!!
No wonder Jesus called me a hypocrite. I open my heart and way before even seeing inside or reaching in I can feel the putrid smell. Yet so many days go by without me throwing out the trash. I hang on to it, as if were some sort of treasure, something that will bring forth life...when it only rots.
A rotten heart, that is what I have.
"Jesus, forgive me!
Your most foolish one!
The one that hangs on to the trash in her heart!forgive me. Jesus, why don't you throw me out?"I earnestly wonder. I look at the mess and wonder "why doesn't He throw me out?"He smiles at my foolish question, His tenderness gives me hope.

"My little one,Why should I throw YOU out? I love you! I paid a high price to be by your side!You are the container. I do not want to throw you out, but I would really appreciate it if you threw the trash out.If you would clean your heart, so it would not smell ...After you throw the trash out (confess your sins)I will wash you with my blood, so you will have a fragant smell unto me and unto Father God"

Such love, such tendreness.
No angry shouts or frustrated sighs at my foolishness.

"Yes God, I do want a new heart.A heart that you may uncover and find treasures inside.
May you find it full of beauty, of life.Yes God, I do want to take the trash out. Search my heart, take it out!
God, my friend, I want a heart that smells like a garden of roses.
I want a heart that fills your heart with songs, like the songs of the early morning birds.
I want a heart that is soft, so you may walk in it barefeet, like when I walk on the beach.
I want a heart that you may see, and be reminded of the tulips in the spring.
I want a heart that is colorful, as the sunsets in the sky.
I want a heart that is humble, as the full moon in the night. (knowing its light comes from another)
I want you to look at my heart, and then look at the cross, to consider the cost and say:"it was worthwhile"
Father God this is my desire.I do want that heart.
I do want to take the journey that will get me that heart.
Give me grace to walk in such a path...to see my sin, to accept it and to reject it- to throw it out.
I do want that heart.
In Jesus' precious name I pray...I need a new heart.
Amen.

Jeremia 13:17

BUT IF YOU DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS IN YOUR PRIDE,
I WILL WEEP IN SECRET MANY TEARS;
MY EYES WILL RUN WITH TEARS FOR THE LORD'S FLOCK,
LED AWAY TO EXILE.
Jeremia 13:17


Tears for the lost, the lonely and the poor.
Tears for God's pain.
Tears for not being able to explain that it is much more than simple emotions that move me.
Tears for understanding that people's reactions will often be of "you dramatize too much" or "you exagerate" or some sort of truth that seems to soften reality.
I sit here and know that many think I do not understand politics and the political moves that are stirring Bolivia right now.
But I understand. Just that I choose not to use this as an excuse to harden my heart to the truth that 80% of Bolivias population lives in poverty.
I also understand that there is little I can do. But I choose not to harden my heart.

Tears...so many tears, part of my tears are for the sheep of my flock.
WHERE IS THE FLOCK ENTRUSTED TO YOU,
THE SHEEP THAT WERE YOUR GLORY?
Jeremia 13:20

They are in exile. Spread apart. Striving to stay tuned with God but often feeling lonely and out of place. Often wondering why we have to be where we are and longing to be in a place that has filled their heart.
I look back at that special time. That season where the perfume of God was so close to us.

I look back to the times when we went to the hospital. Hard experience, but I remember looking at my flock with pride. Young, brave, kind hearted, reaching out to places they had never reached out. Not that it was simple. I remember having to hold several of them as they walked out, grieved and overwhelemed by what they saw. But it was nice to go into a room and see that someone was already there...I could move on and reach someone else. How God smiled those days. "Bea, today we were not only allowed to visit the people who were burnt, we were asked to help the nurse feed them, because they cannot move..." "Bea, there is a woman....can I help her?""Bea, I asked permission to come and pick some patients up on Sunday, to take them to church"....now tears stream down my face.

I look back at those days when we went in groups to visit street kids. Seeing them become one with the poor. Hearing Jimena Alarcon say: "Bea, it was incredible. There I was and suddenly I stood alone. There were so many of us that, I had no one to hold, no one to listen too, no one to care for... and as we were walking up to the clinic to get medical care for one of the street kids, I turned and saw the most beautiful sight. My kids (street kids) walking hand in hand with the kids from church (my kids). And Bea, I could feel Jesus walking in our midst... like He did with the apostles way back then...it was awesome, Bea!"...now tears stream down my face.

I look back at those days when I would spend time with them, trying to counsel them, or just plain loving them. "Bea, I am homesick. Can we have a cup of tea?" "Bea, I am in love. She does not know." "Bea, just give me a hug."... now tears stream down my face.

I look back at those days when we went to the jungle. Such an amazing trip. Paulita's comment on Eirunn "Bea, she would play with the kids even in the hot shinning sun! She was non stop, and there were so many bugs and she acted as if there were none!" Words spoken with love. And then again Jimena's words: "Bea, I went on this trip expecting it to be very much like the christian camps I have gone too. But it was so different! My faith has been restored! I believe in the church once more!" ... now tears stream down my face.

We tasted heaven. We breathed clouds. We were not walking on solid ground. It is so hard to explain, to really explain what it was like. What God gave us for a fraction of time in the midst of Bolivia's dark time, a time so similar like the one faced now...but now only tears stream down my face.
My flock has been sent to exile. We are not gathered together. In fact I do not know where most are. I wonder but do not dare ask if the ones in La Paz have gone out. I do not dare ask...it would crush my heart to hear that they have not.
But I would not blame them. We have all been thrown about in different and many ways. It has been a hard time, a long time, a dreadful time.
We did not hear God. We (leaders) were too full of pride...we lost it all...now only tears stream down my face.

I sit in silence and let memories flow. How could it be sooo good in such a bad time?
I sit in silence so more.
I let memories flow. I am so glad I obeyed in that time. So glad I lived those days. They are the days that will make my life weigh like gold.
I sit in silence so more.
I sigh.
I wipe some tears that get in the way, I need clear vision, I want only a small glimpse of what is to come. Do let me smell the fragance of a future filled with days like those...
Do let me smell the fragance of a future filled with days like those...with people like them, young and brave. Brave enough to obey. Brave enough to have faith filled hearts. Brave enough to go where we had never gone before. Brave enough to become my joy...and God's.

Daddy Lord,
I do not know where the flock that you gave me is now.
The flock that was/is my pride.
I lost them somewhere in the midst of that storm, the one that fell upon us
due to our pride.
Daddy Lord,
I do not know where they are.
But I am sure that they too are thinking back.
As they travel in time, may the seeds planted in their hearts those days grow.
May they grow tall and strong and bear much fruit. Tons of fruit.
Sweet fruit that you may taste and smile.
Daddy Lord,
I do not know where they are.
But please, hold them tight in your arms.
Confort them and ...hold them ever so tight.
Daddy Lord,
I pray for Claudia Gonzalez and Jimena Alarcon. Hold them tight.
and shorten the days of thier walking alone.
Daddy Lord,
Please...hold me tight. Keep my heart from breaking apart.
Allow it to remain alive, so I may part take in the future days when
tasting heaven and walking in clouds will be normal again.
One last thing God,
I cannot thank you enough for allowing me to part take of such a
splenderous time.
Thank you God. Thank you God. It has made my life worthwhile.

In Jesus' name I pray.
Amen.
ps. I love you lots and lots and lots and lots and lots. amen.

II Corintians 13:9

WE PRAY TO GOD SO HE MAY RESTORE YOU COMPLETELY.
II Corintians 13:9

Last night I got a letter from Bolivia asking for prayer. I will put my friend's request, then I will follow with a prayer. You are welcome to join in.

-Pray for a peacemaking voice to be raised up and for the powers of darkness that thrive in such sitautions as this one to be thwarted
Father I pray that your church rises up and takes its stand in Bolivia. For we know it is the church who is to be a voice of peacemaking an we know it is the church who is to stand and fight agains the powers of darkness.

- Pray for petrol to be released from the holding centre in El Alto, so that the ambulance service in El Alto and the rubbish collection services can be reestablished.
Father I pray that petrol be released so that amulance service be restored. I also pray for the church to be released from its fear so it may also go to the hospitals to pray for the sick. Not only now...but also during times of peace.

-Pray for food supplies to get into the city of El Alto and also La Paz were some are running out of food
Father I pray for food supplies to reach those without food. I also pray that the church be touched, deeply and consider always those who even in times of peace do not have a plate of hot soup to serve to their family.

-Pray for the attitude of the road blockers to soften
Father, I cannot pray for this. Right or wrong these people are now being a voice of many, many who are poor and under the weight of a corrupted society. May thier voice be heard. Specially by the church.
Father, may the attitude of the church be softened. This I can pray.

- Pray for the safety of our church members - Martin and Carla Flores, plus their 3 children and now their maid and her husband (who have no food), live a couple of blocks from the main plaza where the government buildings are and near the to the main police station were all the arrested are being taken, and they are virtually unable to go out due to tear gassing and rioting mobs
Father I pray for them and many others who live near them and are in the same circumstances. I pray your angels guarding them. I also pray that christians undergoing this situations become aware what many have to go through on daily basis. Even in times of "peace". The abuse of authorities and, the extreme fear of living in a violent neighborhood. May the church awake to a dying world.

- Ron's wife Nicky is imminently expecting a baby and they live at the other end of the city and don't have petrol to get up own to the clinic where the baby is due to be born. She is on medication to stop a premature birth! Bless her and the baby!
Father I pray for Nicky and her baby. Provide the medical care they need. Father, I also pray that the church awakens to the reality that in Bolivia the highest percentage of death in women is when they are giving birth-due to the lack of medical care. And the percentage is high. Awaken the church.

- Several of our members and attenders live in rather dodgy areas of the city and will no doubt be under a lot of pressure
Father I pray for those who live in rather dodgy areas...awaken the church to the fact that such places do exist. I also pray that other church members in better circumstances become bold and move out of their safe places and take food and emotional support to the bretheren who are now under such terrible circumstances. May the church move.

Pray that rioters and looters will not reach Sopocachi where the church is and many of our members live - its about a 10 minute walk from where much of the trouble has been and so far little damage has been caused in Sopocachi. We live in St. George's just down the road from Sopocachi and the centre of the city is about a 15 mintue walk, opposite the American and Britich Embassies. We can hear the miners dynamite explosions in the centre of the city.
8 Pray for calm and wisdom on the part of the general population - Sopocachi residents held a massive meeting in a plaza last night to arrange civic defense - our prayer is that there will not be any precipitous behaviour on the part of local residents which might cause violent confrontations in our neighbourhood. It is quite understable that residents wish to protect their property but on the other hand precipitous behaviour in a tense situation can cause things to get out of control, and the situation is certainly very tense
Father, awaken the church. We had this experience not long ago in Bolivia...yet we chose to ignore reality. We chose to close ourselves in our seminars. We chose not to hear what was building up. Father I pray for peace. BUT do not let us forget! AND do not let us stay indifferent to a dying world. Help us take our place in bringing justice to this world. Let us be brave!

Pray for water supplies to be reconnected in the areas of La Paz where water was cut off on Monday after protesters took control of a water reservoir
Father, allow the water supplies to be reconnected. But I also pray that the church awakens to the horror of not having tap water in their house- so many people lack water in the world, having to walk miles to get some. Teach us to care for it. And teach us to think of those that are in need. Take that hardened thought away "there is nothing I can do"...
And Father as a church remind us that You have given us living waters...let us also consider the many who also lack these kind of waters. Remind us of their thirst. We tend to get so involved in programs and end up forgetting what it is really about...reaching out...

Pray for the peaceful residents of El Alto who are under great pressure to join protest marches or risk damage to themsleves, families or property when they refuse to join in
Yes Father we pray that their choice be respected and that they may find protection in you, and I also pray for the christian bretheren who chose to fight, who find it just to do so. May their choice also be respected and may they also find protection in you.

Father, I also want to pray for all the foreigners that are there. May they find protection but may they also discover the truth of an agonizing world and the need for a saviour and for a living church.
Let your church arise. Let your church arise.
Father may they be a voice to the rich countries of the truth and the need of more than money. May the church in these countries start to look beyond their comfort zone.

I pray for the children who are living this. I pray for the homes for street children, may they have food to feed them. May brave and generous hearts be touched so they may put food in a bag and walk if needed to take something to those in the street.

And Father, I put my two young sons,who are now in La Paz and far from their mom, before you.
May all of this make of them Godly men. Men that walk near you and seek you in times of adversity. Brave men. Sensitive to the poor and to those in need.
May their hearts also be awakened to the reality that this world is not eternal, and it is reaching its final time. May this truth affect the way they spend their time, their life.

Father, I pray for Bolivia= awaken the church.

Genesis 3:6

EVE TOOK OF ITS FRUIT AND ATE IT, AND ALSO GAVE SOME TO
HER HUSBAND AND HE ATE.
Genesis 3:6

Let me mourn! Hold me not back!
Let me mourn! Let me cover my head with ashes! Let me weep and wail!
Let me mourn, perhaps that way the pain in my heart will be taken away...
Let me mourn, let me wail.. perhaps this stinging pain will be easened in some way...
Let me mourn, let me cry...perhaps the tears will wash the pain away.
Let me cry until I am tired and fall asleep, perhaps that way, in my dreams the pain will not be.

The pain of seeing creation corrupted and sick.
The pain of searching for a place free of sin and not finding it...not even in my own heart.
Oh, Eve. Oh, Adan...what a terrible decision you took!
Now, no matter where you look the toll of sin is seen.

Let me mourn, let my tears roll...
as I see beautiful girls paying the price of living in a world full of sin
Let me mourn, let my heart weep,
as I see sweet boys losing all hope.

Let me mourn, do not tell me to stop!
Do not tell me my tears upset your day!
Go on with your day!... allow me to weep.

Let me tear my heart as I hear the cry for help of lonely lost souls,
Let me cover my head with ashes as I find hatred and envy in every step I take...even in my own heart
Let me scream, a shrilling scream to try to ease my pain.

Oh, do not tell me to quiet down
do not tell me that my cries unsettle the town.
OH!!! If it were only true!
If my cries would unsettle the ears...if it would soften the hearts
Then perhaps the pain that is weighing heavenly upon me would be removed.

Let me mourn, as I find that it is the only thing that I can do.
I am too small to heal the wound of this world
I am too poor, too fraigle..
Let me mourn, let the tears be my companions...
they understand, they too have been where I have been.

So much death, no matter were you look, a heavy burden for a simple soul...
Jesus, my Lord, how have you done it all along?
Your pain is deeper than mine I know...
Jesus...I am sorry Lord.
I am sorry when I told you to stop weeping before me.
When I told you I wanted to hear no more.
When I told you that your tears were upsetting my life.
When I told you that you were God, and you did not need me to hear you cry.

Jesus, your tears have often been your only companions, have they not?
I am sorry...I was overwhelmed by the world's dying situation.
Jesus, I know that my words cannot ease your pain, words do not ease mine.
So I will not speak. I will cry by your side.

And I will let your tears soften my heart.
I will let your pain tear me apart.
I will let your heart be mine...it will kill me, you know? too much pain... but I will cry by your side.

It was your tears that took me out of my selfishness one day...
I hope your tears will do the same again.
Dear Jesus, come and cry by my side today...
may your tears wash my fear away...
may your tears wash my hesitation away...
may your tears make me bold once more.

Dear Jesus, come and cry by my side today. I will not tell you to stop. I will not tell you to wait.
Dear Jesus, come and cry by my side today. I will cry with you today.

John 17:23

Father, allow them to reach perfection in unity,
so the world may know that you sent me.
John 17:23

Fine, we have all heard the verse and kind of knodded at it and yes, we all agree...unity, nice word.
But do we know what it is?
Do we know how to reach it?
Do we really knit close realationships?

I sit here and I am amazed at the simplicity of God's plan for the revival: Unity
We live in unity we will not have to invest large amounts of money in concerts, shows, seminars, camps etc etc etc.
There is something extremely beautiful in unity. I have been smelling its perfume and I find it irresitible. As I resently told a friend, unity does not mean that we have to wear a uniform. Unity does not mean we have to like the same kind of worship. Unity doesn't even mean we agree on everything.
Unity is much deeper than that.
In fact unity makes room for freedom of diversity.

One can go to the movies while the other goes to a museum, it won't make a difference...they are united in a much deeper way.

Yes, our unity as church starts by the fact that we all believe that Jesus went to the cross to save us. God inbodied in man, dying to pay for our debt. Jesus' resurrection to prove that such a sacrifice was accepted by God and thus we have a way to pay our debt and move out of hell.

But this is only the first step. when we knit something, we continue putting strings together.
And this is the tricky part.
Most people do not like the idea. Superficial relationships is more than enough. Impossible to talk about unity with such a relationship.
It is the walking close, the sharing the tears and the joys that will continue to build unity.
But there is always a place where we stop.
We do not know how to handle sin. We do not know how to admonish each other in love, and we do not know how to accept correction.

This makes true unity, the one Jesus was talking about literally impossible.

I sit here and smile. A misheveous smile. I just got myself into a huge problem.
I prayed.
Yes, prayer will always get me in problems.
It is hard to avoid it.
God sitting there talking about the beauty of unity despite or better said: due to its complexity.
God sitting there and sharing the fragance of unity:
"Bea, It is like a snowcovered moutain. High in risk to climb! Oh, but its beauty! Hundreds paint it, other thousands take pictures of it. Many sit and enjoy the sunset from the valley...the colors of dusk moving in...the clouds playing in its peaks. But do you know who really get to partake of its beauty? The ones who dare to climb it. They see what nobody else sees. They enjoy what nobody else enjoys. And when they reach the top...what splendor! and what joy! They have become one with the universe!"

So, I listen to God talk in such an exhuberant way that I find myself saying.
"Father, it is true! I can see the beauty of your plan! I can see it! It is true! I like it. I agree with you, this is the best plan. All else by this is pure trash. Hallow, empty, void...a waste of time! Respect, dignity, humble hearts, not full of pride. Envy conquered, selfishness destroyed...making room for unity of heart...what joy! what delight!"
As I saw his plan my amazement grew and grew. His words filling my every muscle, my every nerve.
His words light a fire in my veins- "the ones who dare, they are the ones to enjoy it all."

I suddenly raise my voice "I dare. I will climb. I do not promise to make it to the top.
But Father I will try. If I should perish in the task, I know you will still wear a smile. The smile that forms in your lips everytime I dare to believe you, and I dare to obey. Father, I dare. Unity in my family, true unity with my mom and my son...that is quite a climb. But I dare to believe. In Jesus name, I dare."

This is my challenge. This is my climb. My heart beats with anticipation for I know the smell of an adventure of faith. This is one.
I can so clearly see that this is the main goal of the second part of my life: UNITY.

Wow. Real unity... I have no idea of what I am talking about...but I am determinded to find out.
and my misheveous smile comes from thinking that my family is to be my lab.

I am ready for the climb. This is THE plan: unity all over the land.

Jeremia 15:10

Woe to me, mother, that you gave me birth!
a man of strife and contention to all the land!
Jeremia 15:10

One of these days read the book of Jeremia, but concentrate on Jeremia himself.
A young sweet guy. I think we could have been good friends. I really relate to what he had to live. In this same chapter he says:
when I found your words I devoured them,
they became my joy and the hapiness of my heart!
...
but he goes on...he talks on the result of walking near God...
I sat alone.
Because you filled me with indignation.

This is a prophets path. God makes his word something extremely sweet and appealing, something he cannot set aside. His word becomes the happiness of his heart.
But then the prophet goes to a party...and so many things offend him.
He tries to be polite. He even smiles. But he is unsettled.
Next time he prefers to turn down the invitations.
But then comes the time when he hears God aks "Who will I send?"
The prophet looks around and since there are not many volunteers he says:
"God you have been so good to me,
you have opened my heart to your word,
and thus I have joy and happinness of heart.
I will go. I will tell them what is in your heart."

and then the prophet steps out, boldly and full of love, a bit innocent...thus hoping the best, he speaks up:
turn to God! let God really be God in your life!
Do not use his name in vane!
Do not move in your own will, ask Him what he wants!
Let us repent and in due season His rain will fall (Jeremai 5:24)

and to his dismay people turn around and stone him.
but even worse, God tells him...go to them again, perhaps this time they will listen and repent.
so the prophet goes...and gets killed.

study the prophets, most have had this type of life.
"Bea, then why do you insist I read my Bible????"

Well, because it has become my joy and the happinness of my heart. And when I see you asking for joy and happinness...well I have to point to the source.

"Bea, one more question: what makes a prophet obey again and again?
I mean...he knows he will die in a terrible way if he obeys God..."

when a prophet hears this:
"Be quiet! your message bothers us!

a prophet may get mad and turn his back on people. He will say "if you want to lose your inheritance in God fine...go on doing things your way!"
He walks away angrily. and takes his place at the table of the Father.
silence fills the air, his anger is noted by all.
"Had a rough day?" asks the Father.

The reaction my vary depending on the prophets temper and personality. But it will probably be something like this:
"Yeah, I sometimes wish that I could preach and people's eyes would be filled with
true understanding. I wish they did not continue to jsutify themselves.
Father, for once it would have been great to hear them say "we have been considering your words" at least..."

The prophet gets some food in his mouth, Father says:
"tomorrow I want you to visit them again"

The prophet almost chokes with the food he has in his mouth. He can't reply because he has his mouth full, and because the shock is strong. He looks at his glass. It is empty. He could sure use some water.

There is silence all around.
Jesus quietly gets up. He goes to get something to drink for the prophet.
He comes back.
He stands by the prophets side, gently putting his hand on his back and then
with the other hand starts to pour the longed for drink.

The prophet cannot help but follow Jesus' every move. And thus cannot help seeing the scar in His saviours hand.
The prophet swallows hard. The food finally passes down his throat.
He picks up the glass.
Jesus returns to sit by Father's side.
The prophet puts the glass to his lips.
it is not water it is wine...

The prophet remembers a scene that he is familiar with...one that also took place at a table:
the last supper.
The prophet sets the glass down and stares at the glass.
it is not the wine that is strengthening him.
It is God's love, it is the cross.

Holy Spirit gently adds:
There is also another table scene that you should think of. The one at the wedding of the King. There, He will also drink wine.

The prophet closes his eyes and sees that future scene. The bridegroom (Jesus) looking handsome and proud. Just full of joy when his bride (the church) is presented to Him. And after the ceremony, while everybody has taken thier seat at the table. Jesus will lift up the cup full of wine...he hasn't tasted wine since the last supper. He promised His friends He would wait...until they could drink together again.
A solemn moment. Filled with all sorts of thoughts and emotions.
As Jesus takes the glass to His lips, he stops and glances over to the prophet.
It is a quick glance. An instant that will burn eternally in the prophet's heart.
A glance that says:
"thanks my friend, thanks for taking the pain...thanks again."

The prophet opens his eyes... trying to hide the tears in his eyes, he turns and looks at the three with deep tender love.
"Sorry, you guys...it was a rough day. But you know I will go.
A few stones are nothing at all. Nothing at all."

God's eyes are full of overwhelming love, too much for the young prophet to withhold.
The prophet reaches out for the glass of wine, more our of uneasiness than thirst.
This time he looks at his onw hand, he knows that one day it too will be pierced.
But the thought does not frighten him, something strange has happended in his heart with that talk. Now his heart longs for the wedding day, when he will also lift the cup of wine, with a scar on his hand.

a scar that does not represent shame,
but the beauty of relationship built in whole hearted love.
The beauty of total surrender.
The beauty of God's love reaching out to us.

Jesus looks at the prophet and smiles, he knows his thoughts.
The prophet shyly smiles back.

somethings will be in the future, even tomorrows events will wait.
but their freindshiip is present tense.
The prophets smile brodens... JESUS AND HIM ARE FRIENDS!

Job 37:13

OUT OF HIS KINDNESS, GOD MAKES THE CLOUDS COME,
WHETHER IT BE FOR PUNISHMENT OR FOR BLESSING.
Job 37:13

A common prayer throughout the world today is "Let it rain!"
It is a good prayer. The fact that it is a worldwide prayer makes it clear that it is a prayer inspired by God.
But I think that people are not understanding the concept in all of what it implies or what it is bringing forth.
For according to the scripture above rain can bring punishment. And we are seeing it in the natural, but I believe it is also about to start in other areas of our lives.
"Bea, why are you always so negative?"
As I just told my cousin, I wish I could continue giving those messages of "do not worry everything will be ok, in time." but it is a lie. Things are not going to be good until we correct our steps, clean out our hearts and change our paths.
AND even then, things will be hard. But then God will be on our side, and that will be a huge difference.

We have to understand the time in which we are living.
We have to wake up!!!
In I kings 18 we find another passage that talks about rain. Elijah prayed and there was no rain for THREE years!!! Then this day comes and he confronts the people of Israel. He tells them: You have divided your heart, you do not honor God whole heartedly!
He kills baals' prophets and then he does something strange...he prays for rain.
Seven times he sent his servant to search the sky, on the 7th time the servant comes back and declares: I see a small cloud about the size of my fist.
And Elijah sends him to the king...tell him to run, it is going to pour!!!
Elijah ran, and got to Jezrel before the king.
Elijah knew and understood it was going to pour.

If Elijah had told the king it is going to pour three months before, Elijah would have ended up as a fool.
But if Elijah had not run, he would have gotten wet.

Do you understand?
Sometimes I feel people pray for rain and pray for rain...but then act as if it were not going to come.
Rain is coming, and it will catch most by surprise, for them rain will be a rain of punishment.
There is no way to stop the rain from coming.
It is coming. If you stop and look at the spiritual skies you can see them clouds forming.
But for many those clouds will not be a blessing.

God walking in the midst of earth. Judgement being the foundation of His throne.
I will tell you the truth, sometimes...only sometimes I get too tired of trying to wake up people to this truth. I speak and speak. In return I get sweet smiles, and eyes that say "you exagerate, you forget about God's loving mercy"
I sigh. I shake my head. I cannot convince myself I exagerate...but maybe I can stop being a pest to others...but then there are these mornings.
Mornings in which I stop to pray. And then I see the clouds forming... and I turn and see everyone soooo distracted, sooooo of tune.
I cannot pray "stop the rain!" that hurts the Spirit.
So I move out and risk my frindship and my life, as I declare:
"We must repent, we must repent! we must get right with God!
No time to lose! No time to continue in our old ways!
Not a time to continue justifying our sin!
Not a time to continue doing our own thing!
Not a time to use God's name lightly!"

Oh! May God open our eyes so we may see the clouds forming in the horizon.

Acts 20:28

FEED AND CARE FOR THE CHURCH OF GOD.
HE BOUGHT IT WITH HIS OWN BLOOD.
Acts 20:28

Father God and Jesus were speaking:
- It is time we let her know.
* I know, but I do not want to tell her...I am not sure she will like the idea too much.
- I know what you mean, she didn't take the pastor bit too well, but we do have to tell her...
* Why don't we ask the Holy Spirit to tell her? You know He won't mind the task.

The Holy Spirit agreed and came to visit me:
-Bea, you have been praying and asking what church you should congregate with...
* Yeah?
- Well, you can choose any, you will be hurt no matter where you go.

SPLASH!
That was a cold water bucket being spilled over my head..

Holy Spirit does His best not to crack up, but...He does. My face must have really been a sight!
I reach for a towel to dry myself, and can't help laughing a bit myself. (God knwos me sooo well!)
Then we begin to talk.
We talk about people and their deep need for love.
We talk about people and their sinfulness.
We talk about how it is so much harder to love than to organize a seminar or a chrisitan concert.
We talk about the times I have been hurt and betrayed.
We talk about how no matter where we set our eyes, people are lonely and hurt-including leaders of the church.
We talk about that boy that committed suicide despite the fact that I had offered to help, a boy that chose to die instead of trusting someone else again and then get hurt.
We talked about the many women who are living alone, choosing loneliness than the risk of being hurt again.
We talked about how hard it is for pastors to have friends, due to the wrong and high expectations people place on them.
We talked about how in the church we preach on love, yet do not love.( love includes discipline)

and after talking for a long time, we were silent. Each thinking of different things.
Me pondering on the risk it involves to draw near God.
He pondering if I would dare to love again.
Me wondering if I has the strenght to recieve more pain ...
He thinking of all those waiting for a friend.
Me wondering why it had to be so painful,
He thinking of the cross; of the cost to make me a vessel of love and then wondering if I would accept it all.
Me wondering of His patience and care...a whole year to heal me and then say: pick up your cross.

He looked at me and said:
"Bea, you do understand, don't you?
Do you know understand that when I said "pick up your cross" I do not mean get full of church activieties?
Do you understand that pick up your cross means to love?
and do you understand that when you pick up your cross you will be crucified?

I knew from His look that this message was an important one. I had to get to the point of undestanding that when you love you often get hurt. Deeply hurt. We are in a sinful world. This is reality. This is reality. It is not true that if we love, people will love us back- not always. Many, many times we will be crucified.
Silence again.

I quietly remember how thankful I am for Jesus' obedience, for His picking of His cross...for His love.
I quietly remember how many times after pondering on the cross I have said: ask anything I will obey.
Now He has asked:
FEED AND CARE FOR THE CHURCH OF GOD.

and as if I needed some extra encouragement He adds:
HE BOUGHT IT WITH HIS OWN BLOOD.

II Corintians 5:14

FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST PUT US IN ACTION.
II Corintians 5:14

This is the way it is meant to be. We can do so many things without love, even good things.
When I was looking for a project to present to the church in order to raise financial support, God simply made it real hard, and it made it extremely confusing for me that He did not want me to have an objective, a goal, a plan, a project that would clearly state what I was doing and my future aims.
Now I begin to understand. Projects and programs are not bad...if we are really clear in our priorities and strong in our time with God. Problem with projects and programs seems to be that it is so easy to leave God out.
We just get too busy. We have the schedule, no need to seek God. We know the aim and we have good leadership books...no need to sit before God and wait and wait and wait. (God can make you wait for soooo long!!!!!)
So often when I have gone out I have felt empty handed. No materials, not even Bibles. No medicine. No clothes to give away. No candy for the children. Nothing...except for His love.
That was all I had to offer. Nothing else.
I look back and wish I had never sought for a plan, for a project...that made it so hard. Of course, I really wanted to get financial support. Going to the jungle was not cheap...and I did have to support three kids. Made it all hard. If I had had the money I could have gone a lot more. I could have stopped teaching and could have gone more frequently. But it is hard to get support when your only argumet is "God says His church feels abondened and He wants to make sure they know He still loves them"
That was the message I had to give, over and over again.....and now I am so far away....
THE LOVE OF GOD PUTS US INTO ACTION.
The strategy is: We draw near God and then we just start feeling His love and His care for others.
And His love and His being worried compells us to DO something, to reach out, to touch.
BUT
so often we make things hard. It is true that if I had had more money I could have visited people in the jungle more. That is a fact. BUT chances are high that I would have also gotten lost. That as soon as I had gotten a project or a plan I would have started to seek to reach goals. SO I could tell people "you see we are getting things done"...and then get more support...and somewhere in the hustle I most likely would have forgotten the beginning and the aim:
to love

Genesis 18:14

IS THERE ANYTHING IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD?
NEXT YEAR I WILL VISIT YOU...
Genesis 18:14

I do not know why God does this kind of stuff to me...perhaps it is because He really likes to play.
One of His favorite games is "Dares"
"Bea Gasca I dare you to stay in Bolivia and see me take care of you!"
I dared.
"Bea Gasca I dare you to stand on the bench and praise me in the church meeting!"
I dared.
"Bea Gasca I dare you to go to the hospitals and give more than a brochure, give your heart!"
I dared.
"Bea Gasca I dare you to go to the jungle and tell my church they are close to my heart!"
I dared.

I have heard God say this so many times. Yesterday I chatted with a friend, she gently and carefully and I could almost hear her taking a deep breath as she asked "Bea, what are your dreams now?"
"I want to get married"
I wish I could have seen her face. My dear friend who has gone through a divorce like me. And whose wings have been broken like mine. I knew she wondered why on earth I had said that.
"I believe it is God's dream to see a good marriage on planet earth. His dreams are mine.
If I dare to dream they will become true. When He asked me to go to the jungle nobody thought I could do it..."
"Bea, I believe you."

Strange. She believes for me, but not for herself. I pray that in time that will change.

But I am now facing a much harder issue. Yes, it is an issue of faith. God's dares are always related to faith.
God has spoken to me so much on Norway. That I do believe that something strong is going on there.
But when somebody asked me "Should I be praying for your migration to Norway? For I believe you would much rather be part of the unfolding of it than just be praying in another continent.."
I froze.

I lost a revival before.
Am I ready? Have I really changed? Am I prepared?
Can I truly be used to touch the hearts of the leaders of the church in Norway?
Is it possible that God is really considering it all seriously?
Is it possible for God to use ME like that?
Is it possible...?

I am not worried about visas and money. I am worried about my heart.
and about the past...
Yes, God has spoken to me on ministry. I still remember the amazing moment in which He told me:
" get involved"

But the revival in Norway...wow- that is major stuff.

My friend's question was God's dare:
"Bea, I double dare you to be part of the revival"

I lost my breath.
So He adds (because He knows all of the questions that arise in my heart)
IS THERE ANYTHING IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD?
I WILL VISIT YOU AGAIN...
Gen. 18:14

I WILL VISIT YOU AGAIN.
Gen. 18:14

is it possible? is it possible?...God, are you serious about it? are you really sure? have you thought about this carefully? is it possible?...
I long to believe...
I haven't dared yet.

Mark 6:3

IS HE NOT THE CARPENTER?
Mark 6:3
I have been pondering on the reason why Jesus did not use carpentry in his parables. Well, at least none is stated in the Bible. He uses many other ilustrations and one of his favorite has to do with plants and planting.
But carpentry gives you tons of ilustrations. For example:
A sharpened saw-
It is important to keep the saw sharpened, otherwise you will require more effort in what you are doing and more time. In the same way if we do not rest and take time to set our priorities back in place we will start to work extra time to keep things balanced and we will require extra effort.
A carpenter-
Carpenters have to put wood through a whole process, not an easy process, in order for the wood to become a useful object. There are many tools, and different ways of handling wood. You have to treat it against termites, you have to cut it, shave it, sawdust it, hammer it, barnish it...a whole process that requires time, patience and know how. The same happens when we disciple people. It requieres patience, time and know how. It is a process, and not an easy one.
Type of wood-
A carpenter knows that different types of wood are better for certain things. There are hard woods, and soft woods. There are precious woods. Hard wood is considered better for building houses because termites do not eat it, whereas soft woods are used for carving out beautiful and fancy pieces of furniture. Same happens with people. We should be aware of the type of material people are in order to decide what to expect from them.
I am being rather blunt in my examples, because they are not the main idea. I only want to make it a point that carpentry is a good topic for parables.
My first impression was to think that Jesus avoided carpentry and chose agriculture because agriculture requires time and it is not a mass production
thing. But then I turned this theory down, because in does days mass production did not exist. So every piece of furniture required time, a lot of time.
so, then why didn't Jesus use it for His parables?
Because carpentry had to do with wood.
and wood was a close reminder of the cross.

God could have chosen a baker or a farmer or a king or a priest to be Jesus' earthly father.
God chose a carpenter.
He knew Jesus needed to prepare.
Many times as Joseph made a table or chair, he would lay the pieces of wood in the shape of the cross.
Jesus was reminded of his purpose for being on earth.
A reminder so he wouldn't lose focus. (Remember that even if He was still God, He was also a real human being)

Carpentry. A gentle reminder of His aim = the cross.
The carpenter shop was a place for preparation.

Hammer.
I think that when Jesus' would hammer his finger, He would talk to Father God about the pain and if He would really be able to bear the pain of the cross.

Nails.
As He held them up to Joseph, Jesus knew they would someday pierce his hands.
Joseph didn't know. He only said "thanks"
But Father God knew
He said:
It will not be nails that will hang you onto that cross.
It will be love.
My love for you.
Your love for me.
Our love for them.

Blood.
When He cut himself and blood spilled on the wood, Father told him...think of (put your name in). You will be able to tell him/her:
hold my hand and have no fear
I will be here.
we will be together.
When you need a shoulder to cry on, I will be here.
I will be true.
Father gave me to you.
I will be here. Do not be afraid.

Silence.
When noise stopped because everyone was going out to lunch. And Jesus was the last one out, silence spoke to His young soft heart. The silence of Father God's voice in the moment when He would need Him most.
Father God's silence when He would hang from the cross, carrying our sins, so we would not have to be blamed for them.

Of course Jesus could not use carpentry in His parables.
Carpentry was too close to the cross.
And if you have gotten used to the story and think it costed nothing, think again...
Jesus did not speak of carpentry in His parables.
Carpentry was too close to the cross.