psalm 119:22
TAKE AWAY FROM ME REPROACH AND CONTEMPT,
FOR I OBSERVE YOUR DECREES.
Psalm 119:22
"Bea Gasca, as long as you observe my decrees you will not have my reproach nor my contempt, but it is important that you will have to bear the reproach and contempt of people around you. Most people. Even christian people. Even church leaders. Even your family.
Bea Gasca, this is part of your inheritance. Yes, you received something real special with me, a friendship, a close friendship with me. But you must understand that my friends are not really apreciated in this world. Even my son had to bear reproach and contempt. It is part of your inheritence."
Silence. Strange...it was unavoidable, I have tried so hard to run away from something that is unavoidable. The reason why I did not want my parents ministry was precicely because I saw the reproach and the contempt which they had to bear. It is unavoidable. Part of my inheritence, it is part of the package of being God's friend.
ouch.
I have wasted so much time and energy trying to figure out a way of doing things without receiving contempt...surprise! It was unavoidable, and it will continue to be unavoidable.
It is true, the closer one walks to God, the harder it is to walk with people. So many things you do and say are taken as an offense.
I better start getting used to the idea.
Silence.
It is not a very pleasant idea.
More silence.
Not at all a pleasant idea, I kind of hoped that with all the evaluation and stuff I would come up with a way to do things, to please God without crashing into people...at least to christians...
now I am told it will not be so.
Deep silence and a deep sigh.
My purposeful driven life will be an offense to others.
My friendship with God will create me a lot of enemies.
My masterpiece life, will be laughed upon, it will be scorned.
gulp.
But not by God. He will not laugh at my life. He will not scorn at it.
He will not reproach it.
courage begins to come back into my veins with such a thought.
I shake my head gently as if by doing so I could shake off the nightmare that awaits me.
Then God speaks up:
"Bea," He speaks gently for He knows the news are not easy to handle, but by His tone I know that He will speak encouraging words so I open my heart and look up to Him in hope. "Yeah, Lord?"
"I will tell you a secret, one that will brace you through it all."
I open my heart even more.
"Bea, at the end of the first part of your life your hands were dripping with the blood of people you had hurt and had killed. But the second part of your life will be so different that you will die with your hands dripping blood, but it will be your own blood."
For many of you this is a strong way to encourage someone.
But for me it is encouraging. For this means I will die as a martyr.
Something I had asked for but had been denied off before.
I remember asking God to let me die as a martyr after understanding that martyrs get to have a very special revelation of God. A revelation only martyrs will have even throughout eternity. But on that occasion I was told my name was not on the list. I remember inisting, telling God how I was sure many of the ones that were on that list were not getting ready (to die as a martyr you must live as a martyr= knowing God). So I asked God to put me at the end of the list. "Father, certainly you will call out a name that day and the person will not be ready...then I can take his/her place! Please, let me prepare!"
He said he would put my name at the bottom of the list, but that it didn't mean anything.
I have lived as a martyr lives, pushing to know God no matter what...
Now...
Now things have changed. My name is still at the bottom of the list. But it is there to stay, someone else's was erased.
Yes, to know the way I will die (getting a special revelation of who God is) certainly will make my living as a martyr (knowing God better everyday, causing offense in others) much easier.
Much more easier.
Much easier.
I will die, rejected and alone- like Jesus died.
And both our eyes are shining at the thought.
I turn to see Him, my friend...so many thoughts trying to be expressed...but my eyes meet His eyes, they are full of love and pride.
His love overcomes me.
I turn my eyes upon His feet...but even then I continue to feel His deep love. His pride over me.
I am no longer afraid.
FOR I OBSERVE YOUR DECREES.
Psalm 119:22
"Bea Gasca, as long as you observe my decrees you will not have my reproach nor my contempt, but it is important that you will have to bear the reproach and contempt of people around you. Most people. Even christian people. Even church leaders. Even your family.
Bea Gasca, this is part of your inheritance. Yes, you received something real special with me, a friendship, a close friendship with me. But you must understand that my friends are not really apreciated in this world. Even my son had to bear reproach and contempt. It is part of your inheritence."
Silence. Strange...it was unavoidable, I have tried so hard to run away from something that is unavoidable. The reason why I did not want my parents ministry was precicely because I saw the reproach and the contempt which they had to bear. It is unavoidable. Part of my inheritence, it is part of the package of being God's friend.
ouch.
I have wasted so much time and energy trying to figure out a way of doing things without receiving contempt...surprise! It was unavoidable, and it will continue to be unavoidable.
It is true, the closer one walks to God, the harder it is to walk with people. So many things you do and say are taken as an offense.
I better start getting used to the idea.
Silence.
It is not a very pleasant idea.
More silence.
Not at all a pleasant idea, I kind of hoped that with all the evaluation and stuff I would come up with a way to do things, to please God without crashing into people...at least to christians...
now I am told it will not be so.
Deep silence and a deep sigh.
My purposeful driven life will be an offense to others.
My friendship with God will create me a lot of enemies.
My masterpiece life, will be laughed upon, it will be scorned.
gulp.
But not by God. He will not laugh at my life. He will not scorn at it.
He will not reproach it.
courage begins to come back into my veins with such a thought.
I shake my head gently as if by doing so I could shake off the nightmare that awaits me.
Then God speaks up:
"Bea," He speaks gently for He knows the news are not easy to handle, but by His tone I know that He will speak encouraging words so I open my heart and look up to Him in hope. "Yeah, Lord?"
"I will tell you a secret, one that will brace you through it all."
I open my heart even more.
"Bea, at the end of the first part of your life your hands were dripping with the blood of people you had hurt and had killed. But the second part of your life will be so different that you will die with your hands dripping blood, but it will be your own blood."
For many of you this is a strong way to encourage someone.
But for me it is encouraging. For this means I will die as a martyr.
Something I had asked for but had been denied off before.
I remember asking God to let me die as a martyr after understanding that martyrs get to have a very special revelation of God. A revelation only martyrs will have even throughout eternity. But on that occasion I was told my name was not on the list. I remember inisting, telling God how I was sure many of the ones that were on that list were not getting ready (to die as a martyr you must live as a martyr= knowing God). So I asked God to put me at the end of the list. "Father, certainly you will call out a name that day and the person will not be ready...then I can take his/her place! Please, let me prepare!"
He said he would put my name at the bottom of the list, but that it didn't mean anything.
I have lived as a martyr lives, pushing to know God no matter what...
Now...
Now things have changed. My name is still at the bottom of the list. But it is there to stay, someone else's was erased.
Yes, to know the way I will die (getting a special revelation of who God is) certainly will make my living as a martyr (knowing God better everyday, causing offense in others) much easier.
Much more easier.
Much easier.
I will die, rejected and alone- like Jesus died.
And both our eyes are shining at the thought.
I turn to see Him, my friend...so many thoughts trying to be expressed...but my eyes meet His eyes, they are full of love and pride.
His love overcomes me.
I turn my eyes upon His feet...but even then I continue to feel His deep love. His pride over me.
I am no longer afraid.
posted by thisfool @ 9:08 AM
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