Psalm106:13

BUT SOON THEY FORGOT HIS WORKS;
THEY WAITED NOT FOR HIS COUNSEL.
Psalm 106:13

I have been pondering on the reason for people not to sit still before God. Yes, it is true that one of the reasons is not wanting to face sin in our own heart, and the other reason is not wanting to face the pain that sin in others has brought into our own heart. BUT I am reaching the conclusion that the thing we really want to avoid is to hear God.
Oh, we talk about wanting to hear God, we pray out loud in church and say "God speak to us!" but we are not silent enough time to listen to Him...because we don't really want to hear HIM.
I think we all know down deep inside that many of our plans are not His plans. Many of our ways are not His ways. We do not want to later have to face the issue of disobeying Him out front, so we do not stop to listen, that way we disobey without "really meaning too."
How clever can we get! Fools of fools! That is what we really are!
It is true the price of listening to God is high. Listening to Him does tear your life apart. You end up doing things contrary to what everybody else wants (including pastors), and contrary to what you want.
But you know what my prayer this morning was?
"Lord, open the eyes of my heart, I want to see you.
Lord, I have pondered on the effect that listening to you has had upon my life,
I have made a strong, detailed and long evaluation of the results of living under your guidance- total guideance.
It is true you made my life a mess, but I love the results.
I have looked back and I have put in a balance all the reproach, and the contempt of all- friends, neighbors, pastors, christian family, my own family, my own children, ALL- and then I have put on the other side your smile.
Your smile every time I chose to obey dispite it would make a fool out of me.
Your laughter and your joy as I was on that canoe, going to a distant town, to people I did not know.
Your talking excitedly in the middle of the night as if day were not enough for you to share the beauty of your pregnancy.
Your twinkling eyes as you call me by my name: "Bea Gasca you have no idea of what you are going to live! It is awesome!"
Your gentle hands wiping the tears away from my cheeck when I would complain of somebody's scorn, and then how you would make me laugh by showing me the scars of your hands...like boys do, to show off their own adventures. And then I would get a glimpse of tenderness in your eyes, a tenderness that said "I do understand, I have been there, and I long to see day day when you will no longer have to be there"
My God, I have been way too slow...I have taken a year to reach a conclusion that should have been taken even in the midst of pain...but now that I have reached it I come to you my God, and pour it at your feet with the deepest, deepest determination to carry it through (out of yuor grace):
LORD I WANT TO HEAR YOUR VOICE.
YOU LEAD I WILL FOLLOW.
I KNOW PEOPLE WILL LAUGH
I KNOW THEY WILL NOT UNDERSTAND.
NO MATTER GOD. NO MATTER.
I WANT TO HEAR YOUR VOICE,
I WANT TO FOLLOW YOU,
I TODAY STAND UP AND SAY:
I WILL PICK UP MY CROSS
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
YOUR WILL BE DONE IN MY LIFE.
YOUR WILL BE DONE IN MY LIFE!