Mark 14:36
ABBA FATHER, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE TO THEE.
REMOVE THIS CUP FROM ME;
YET NOT WHAT I WILL,
BUT YOUR WILL BE DONE.
Mark 14:36
Jesus spoke this words before taking His cross. Despite the fact that He knew that the cross was His reason for walking upon the earth. Now the time was at hand, and He wept before the Father...He asked to be set free from such a task
God has spoken to me this week. He has told me what He wants. The only way I can describe my reaction so you may perhaps relate is to say that my reaction was as if God had told me "Bea, you are going to hell."
I heard what He asked and I dropped on the floor, weeping and screaming in a frantic way.
"LORD!!!!!!!!!!! nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!"
I know you know I cry a lot, but this has no description.
I cried and I wept, and I begged..."anything else Lord, anything else...you know I am ready for anything else...war, pooberty, women in pain, homeless, drugaddicts, anything else Lord...I will go anywhere, no matter how far or how dangerous... but this...THIS!!"
My heart bled.
It was not my intention to fight with God. It wasn't. I do love God. I have done the most incredible things in obedience to God, because I love Him more than anything...
In a way I even love Him more than my own life...but there are so many different ways to die...WHY THIS WAY????
I looked at God with total unbelief ..."you are not serious God, you must be kidding...of all the missions that you could have asigned to me...you must be kidding...you must be wrong, something must be wrong...look in the agenda again, carefully, please....I beg of you reconsider your words."
silence followed.
I knew it wasn't a mistake. I just laid there at his feet, half dead..."death, there are so many ways to die, why this?" I quietly asked.
His voice was gentle and in pain. I have heard it before. It is the voice when He wonders who He will send to reach out for the lost, the same tone, the same sadness, the same pain, and the same void. "who will I send?"
He kneels down by my head and ever so gently brushes my hair, for He too is in deep pain for me...His tears fall on my hands.
I turn to look at Him.
"Bea Gasca, somebody must go to my beloved, somebody must awaken my church."
With tears in my eyes I manage to say "they stone prophets there, or they put them in jails. I am not trying to be disobedient Father...but I wanted to fly"
He looks at my hands. They are shacking at the thought of the cross that has been given to them. His tears fall on them... I recall the time they were filled with blood for I injured others as a leader of the church, now they are washed and alive due to the fact that Jesus took His cross.
Such a tought brings forth mercy for the leaders of the church.
I once was lost, somebody took a cross for me...shouldn't I do the same for others? Shouldn't I reach out for the leaders of the church who love God but also have lost their way...the same way I lost mine?
I sit up and draw near to God.
I lean my head upon His chest.
I do not need to tell Him that I will go, He knows me well.
But I do pray "Just promise me that you will be this close to me every single day...otherwise I just wont make it all the way."
He rests His head upon mine, and surrounds me with His huge arms and whispers:
I AM WITH YOU ALL DAYS,
EVEN UNTO THE CONSUMMATION OF THE WORLD.
Mathew 28:20
REMOVE THIS CUP FROM ME;
YET NOT WHAT I WILL,
BUT YOUR WILL BE DONE.
Mark 14:36
Jesus spoke this words before taking His cross. Despite the fact that He knew that the cross was His reason for walking upon the earth. Now the time was at hand, and He wept before the Father...He asked to be set free from such a task
God has spoken to me this week. He has told me what He wants. The only way I can describe my reaction so you may perhaps relate is to say that my reaction was as if God had told me "Bea, you are going to hell."
I heard what He asked and I dropped on the floor, weeping and screaming in a frantic way.
"LORD!!!!!!!!!!! nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!"
I know you know I cry a lot, but this has no description.
I cried and I wept, and I begged..."anything else Lord, anything else...you know I am ready for anything else...war, pooberty, women in pain, homeless, drugaddicts, anything else Lord...I will go anywhere, no matter how far or how dangerous... but this...THIS!!"
My heart bled.
It was not my intention to fight with God. It wasn't. I do love God. I have done the most incredible things in obedience to God, because I love Him more than anything...
In a way I even love Him more than my own life...but there are so many different ways to die...WHY THIS WAY????
I looked at God with total unbelief ..."you are not serious God, you must be kidding...of all the missions that you could have asigned to me...you must be kidding...you must be wrong, something must be wrong...look in the agenda again, carefully, please....I beg of you reconsider your words."
silence followed.
I knew it wasn't a mistake. I just laid there at his feet, half dead..."death, there are so many ways to die, why this?" I quietly asked.
His voice was gentle and in pain. I have heard it before. It is the voice when He wonders who He will send to reach out for the lost, the same tone, the same sadness, the same pain, and the same void. "who will I send?"
He kneels down by my head and ever so gently brushes my hair, for He too is in deep pain for me...His tears fall on my hands.
I turn to look at Him.
"Bea Gasca, somebody must go to my beloved, somebody must awaken my church."
With tears in my eyes I manage to say "they stone prophets there, or they put them in jails. I am not trying to be disobedient Father...but I wanted to fly"
He looks at my hands. They are shacking at the thought of the cross that has been given to them. His tears fall on them... I recall the time they were filled with blood for I injured others as a leader of the church, now they are washed and alive due to the fact that Jesus took His cross.
Such a tought brings forth mercy for the leaders of the church.
I once was lost, somebody took a cross for me...shouldn't I do the same for others? Shouldn't I reach out for the leaders of the church who love God but also have lost their way...the same way I lost mine?
I sit up and draw near to God.
I lean my head upon His chest.
I do not need to tell Him that I will go, He knows me well.
But I do pray "Just promise me that you will be this close to me every single day...otherwise I just wont make it all the way."
He rests His head upon mine, and surrounds me with His huge arms and whispers:
I AM WITH YOU ALL DAYS,
EVEN UNTO THE CONSUMMATION OF THE WORLD.
Mathew 28:20
posted by thisfool @ 8:54 AM
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