Psalm 68:21
GOD IS A SAVING GOD FOR US;
THE LORD, MY LORD, CONTROLS THE PASSAGEWAYS OF DEATH.
Psalm 68:21
After the assault Jesus took me to a cave where we spent the night. We are still in the cave.
I have slept and feel safe. Only the pain in my shoulder remains, it is there to remind me that I disobeyed.
Jesus is by the fire. He is cooking fish. He has noticed I have woken up but hasn't said anything. He is serious and quiet.
"I am sorry Lord" I manage to say.
"When will you understand that 100% obedience is the absolute rule!"
I bite my lips and manage to get the courage to draw near the fire...near Him...near words of discipline.
I sit near the fire. Neither speaks out loud. But we speak, we speak with our hearts, like we so often do.
I become aware for the first time of how serious the assault had been and how I not only had put the journey in risk, my own life had been in risk. REAL risk of death.
After a while I speak up: "Lord, last night I realized that I am not prepared for what I must face ahead... I am not prepared for the darkest night of human history"
Jesus looks up for a brief moment. It is a look of love, He takes the fish and sits by my side. He gives me mine and starts to take His.
"Little one, you did not have to get yourself nearly killed to discover that! ANd you do not have to worry. If you humble yourself, but really humble yourself before me, then I will remind you of such a fact and I will help you prepare. It will be an everyday task."
He notices that I am trying to eat my fish without showing Him the pain in my shoulder is making it hard. He puts His fish down. "Here, I will feed you." He says. And gently takes the fish from my hand.
The times He has cared for me in such a way are uncountable by now. Gentle tears stream down my face. Each a song of worship to His caring ways. The warm fish warms my body. His love, warms my heart.
I look out side for a moment and I am reminded that I should have been in a journey to the dragons den. Now I am tired and need to sleep again. The thougth weighs heavely upon my soul.
I have finishe the fish and my Lord is helping me take some water.
We are in silence. He sits in such a way that I can lean against His back. The way friends lean on eachother to rest and to feel nearby."Bea, gloominess will not help you any. Think about a happy time."
I close my eyes and search for a happy time. The jungle. "o Jesus do you remember the trips to the jungle?"
Gloominess lifts up. And we talk excitedly about them trips. The joy of walking so close together, and then the last trip.The one with 30 other people, all ages, all backgrounds...so different from each other, yet so close, so united, so much in love. In love with our God and in love with each other. The care for the people in the jungle... the beauty of it all.
What an amazing time!
I am blabbing on and on, the times I sat on the back of the bus talking with Jesus about each one of the memebers of the group. The beauty we saw in each one. And then thinking of how it would be someday...where each would say "here, this is the place I must get off, The Holy Spirit has shown me." and the bus stopping and we all praying for hin and sending Him off...
I become silent once more. Those were special times...and now they seem so far away. So far away in the past...and so far away in the future...
Before gloominess fills me up again Jesus starts to talk...excitedly "do not be discouraged any longer, your tears break my heart. Let me tell you it is true, it will happen, amazing things will happen. The most amazing is that you will obey me 100% of the time..."
I smile, I even laugh.
He carries on talking excitedly of how it will be when the Father joins us in the battles ahead... unity will prevail. "I know you find it hard to believe, but pastors will listen to prophets in such time. Their eyes too will see and their hearts will understand that each has a place and they need not envy anyone... unity. Bea Gasca, it will be real. People in church will no longer be alone and afraid to reach out. Unity in families, in marriages, in congregations, in my Body..."
As Jesus talks I whisper a prayer "Father, I do believe, help my unbelief. I want to believe.."
Jesus has heard. He jumps to His feet and comes around, He continues to talk about the same thing but He wants me to see His eyes...eyes filled with faith. Faith that comes from seeing things that are yet not seen.
A piece of ice that has been in my heart for way too long begings to melt.
Part of me trying to fight hope. "Do not believe, you will get hurt again!" But the fire in His eyes is way too strong. I am not even listening to words anymore. It is the joy that I see in His eyes that is moving me to think it is possible.
Humans overcoming sin it is possible.
It will not be a stiff, outside of the heart move....God will move in such a way that people will start to repent and seek a new heart and then sin will be overcomed from the inside! And on the outside the biggest fruit will be: UNITY.
Desired and longed for unity, my one dream that always seems to escape my reach. Unity...
It is possible.
How do I know?
Hasn't God opened my own eyes, me the most stubborn of all, to the need of a new heart?
If He has opened my eyes...whose will remain closed?
My heart beings to beat fast.... when will it be Lord? when will it be?
I, the Lord, will swiftly accomplish these things
when thier time comes.
Is. 60:22
wow. Hope rises in me. I jump to my feet. "Let us go, there is a journey to be travelled...we must not waist time"
Jesus laughs. "You are not going anywhere until your arms heals. You lay down and rest."
I obey. My body lays down, but I am jumpy inside...
"it will be! man alive! it will be!!!!!!"
How am I supposed to rest? As I try to find a more comfortable position I see my sword...leaning on my shield. I look at Jesus . He smiles and casually comments "your horse is just fine, it is waiting outside..."
I sigh. Waiting once more... but there is a twinkle in my eye.
It will be!!!! Unity will be!!!
THE LORD, MY LORD, CONTROLS THE PASSAGEWAYS OF DEATH.
Psalm 68:21
After the assault Jesus took me to a cave where we spent the night. We are still in the cave.
I have slept and feel safe. Only the pain in my shoulder remains, it is there to remind me that I disobeyed.
Jesus is by the fire. He is cooking fish. He has noticed I have woken up but hasn't said anything. He is serious and quiet.
"I am sorry Lord" I manage to say.
"When will you understand that 100% obedience is the absolute rule!"
I bite my lips and manage to get the courage to draw near the fire...near Him...near words of discipline.
I sit near the fire. Neither speaks out loud. But we speak, we speak with our hearts, like we so often do.
I become aware for the first time of how serious the assault had been and how I not only had put the journey in risk, my own life had been in risk. REAL risk of death.
After a while I speak up: "Lord, last night I realized that I am not prepared for what I must face ahead... I am not prepared for the darkest night of human history"
Jesus looks up for a brief moment. It is a look of love, He takes the fish and sits by my side. He gives me mine and starts to take His.
"Little one, you did not have to get yourself nearly killed to discover that! ANd you do not have to worry. If you humble yourself, but really humble yourself before me, then I will remind you of such a fact and I will help you prepare. It will be an everyday task."
He notices that I am trying to eat my fish without showing Him the pain in my shoulder is making it hard. He puts His fish down. "Here, I will feed you." He says. And gently takes the fish from my hand.
The times He has cared for me in such a way are uncountable by now. Gentle tears stream down my face. Each a song of worship to His caring ways. The warm fish warms my body. His love, warms my heart.
I look out side for a moment and I am reminded that I should have been in a journey to the dragons den. Now I am tired and need to sleep again. The thougth weighs heavely upon my soul.
I have finishe the fish and my Lord is helping me take some water.
We are in silence. He sits in such a way that I can lean against His back. The way friends lean on eachother to rest and to feel nearby."Bea, gloominess will not help you any. Think about a happy time."
I close my eyes and search for a happy time. The jungle. "o Jesus do you remember the trips to the jungle?"
Gloominess lifts up. And we talk excitedly about them trips. The joy of walking so close together, and then the last trip.The one with 30 other people, all ages, all backgrounds...so different from each other, yet so close, so united, so much in love. In love with our God and in love with each other. The care for the people in the jungle... the beauty of it all.
What an amazing time!
I am blabbing on and on, the times I sat on the back of the bus talking with Jesus about each one of the memebers of the group. The beauty we saw in each one. And then thinking of how it would be someday...where each would say "here, this is the place I must get off, The Holy Spirit has shown me." and the bus stopping and we all praying for hin and sending Him off...
I become silent once more. Those were special times...and now they seem so far away. So far away in the past...and so far away in the future...
Before gloominess fills me up again Jesus starts to talk...excitedly "do not be discouraged any longer, your tears break my heart. Let me tell you it is true, it will happen, amazing things will happen. The most amazing is that you will obey me 100% of the time..."
I smile, I even laugh.
He carries on talking excitedly of how it will be when the Father joins us in the battles ahead... unity will prevail. "I know you find it hard to believe, but pastors will listen to prophets in such time. Their eyes too will see and their hearts will understand that each has a place and they need not envy anyone... unity. Bea Gasca, it will be real. People in church will no longer be alone and afraid to reach out. Unity in families, in marriages, in congregations, in my Body..."
As Jesus talks I whisper a prayer "Father, I do believe, help my unbelief. I want to believe.."
Jesus has heard. He jumps to His feet and comes around, He continues to talk about the same thing but He wants me to see His eyes...eyes filled with faith. Faith that comes from seeing things that are yet not seen.
A piece of ice that has been in my heart for way too long begings to melt.
Part of me trying to fight hope. "Do not believe, you will get hurt again!" But the fire in His eyes is way too strong. I am not even listening to words anymore. It is the joy that I see in His eyes that is moving me to think it is possible.
Humans overcoming sin it is possible.
It will not be a stiff, outside of the heart move....God will move in such a way that people will start to repent and seek a new heart and then sin will be overcomed from the inside! And on the outside the biggest fruit will be: UNITY.
Desired and longed for unity, my one dream that always seems to escape my reach. Unity...
It is possible.
How do I know?
Hasn't God opened my own eyes, me the most stubborn of all, to the need of a new heart?
If He has opened my eyes...whose will remain closed?
My heart beings to beat fast.... when will it be Lord? when will it be?
I, the Lord, will swiftly accomplish these things
when thier time comes.
Is. 60:22
wow. Hope rises in me. I jump to my feet. "Let us go, there is a journey to be travelled...we must not waist time"
Jesus laughs. "You are not going anywhere until your arms heals. You lay down and rest."
I obey. My body lays down, but I am jumpy inside...
"it will be! man alive! it will be!!!!!!"
How am I supposed to rest? As I try to find a more comfortable position I see my sword...leaning on my shield. I look at Jesus . He smiles and casually comments "your horse is just fine, it is waiting outside..."
I sigh. Waiting once more... but there is a twinkle in my eye.
It will be!!!! Unity will be!!!
posted by thisfool @ 7:24 AM
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