Philippians 1:20
CHRIST WILL BE GLORIFIED IN MY BODY.
Philippians 1:20
Big words.
I tremble as I read them. I do not even dare say them out loud.
I tremble because I know there is a price to be paid in order to say such words in honesty.
I will share part of a letter I wrote to somebody to try to express one of the hardest things to express.... may God allow you to understand.
I guess that what I really do want to say is that what you are going through is normal in the kingdom of God. In fact, in a way you should get used to it. The kindgom of God is not part of Disneyland. In the kingdom of God your worst enemy is NOT the devil. He has been defeited. Your true enemy is God.
No, do not kill me. Listen well, for this is true. God desires to crush you. To hit you so hard and so many times that you become simple dust. Nothing more.
He will put the weight of HIS hand upon you, and litteraly crush you. He will crush your ideas of success, of being good, of greatness in anyway. He will take you to a place of understanding that you are dust, and to dust you will return. You are nothing more.
This is a very common process. Some of us are in need of stronger pressure than others, merely because we seem to be more stubborn and determined to hang onto our fantasy of being some type of god. We can disguise ourselves in righteousness, but God knows our hearts real well. He will crush us, just to remind us that we are not gods, we are worms.
For you to hear that what you are going through is totally normal in the kingdom of God, will be encouraging. And perhaps this is not the best moment to let you know that it will not be the last moment...there will more ahead of the same sort or maybe even stronger.
This is why I assure you that you will be just fine. God is in control. I continue to be alive. God is strange in His ways, He has crushed me,but this has brought life to me. I am glad for His ways. Ways which are higher than mine.
I once spoke on this dealings of God. Somebody came up and gave me a tape on the "love of God" ji jijji. People do not understand when I speak of God as a God that crushes us. I remember how I ilustrated my feeling of that time. I took a large piece of paper and tore it to pieces, tiny pieces,tiny pieces...slowly, ever so slowly. The room was filled with silence, it was heavy and I could see that some people were shouting "STOP! STOP! DO NOT GO ON!" And, it was a paper, it was a class, it was not their life- I was talking about what God had done in mine...several times.
I did not tell them that He has put me through this several times. That would have been too much for them to handle. But it is true. I can look back and I am getting to the point of losing count!
One time I recall saying "GOD!!!!!!!!!!! one thing I beg of you! only one! do not send me to hell" Can you imagine what He had made me walk through? "GOD!" I cried on "just allow me to sit near the gates of heaven, where I will be able to breath your presence, that is the one thing I cannot lose...please do not send me to hell"
I strongly recommend that you do not copy this words as if they were magic words that will take you out of under God's crushing hand. God knows your heart. Magic words will not get you out, the best thing you can do is to let God deal with you and trust HIS mercy and grace will get you out.
There was another time, when I got to a point of dropping dead. It was like walking in the Sahara desert. I finally just dropped on the sand. The vultures were suddenly all around. God told me "you had better move or they will start eating you alive" I answered "LET THEM EAT ME! that way this will be over for good! I cannot move, I cannot take another step, I will not even attempt to move a finger! I am done, I am weak, I cannot...I cannot...I cannot..."
I was not using dramatic language to impress God. God had impressed me.
So many times... what about the time He called me into ministry. I gave Him my CV , He threw it to the trash (literally) and He said "I want you to go to the jungle".....excuse me??? I have no experience on THAT!...once again surrounded by weakness, my self-strength taken away, once again having to be totally dependant on God's mercy, on God's grace.
I do not talk about this openly. People do not like it when I tell them I am only a worm, well now I am a butterfly...but do you know how fragile a butterfly is??? In fact a worm has stronger changes of surviving than a butterfly...a butterfly is most fragile. I am now strongly vulnarable, I am aware of my weakness and of how small a creature I am.
My friend it is so strange, even now as I meditate on the whole process I cannot truly comprehend. I once was young, audacious and bold. God crushed me and took me to a place of deep meekness and weakness. Now, when He says "it is time to go out and kill giagants" I ....I take a long time to move on. I am aware of my dust essence. I now know what I am truly made of.
But I encourage you to hang on. Hang on to this process no matter what. Do not let go. Do not say "enough God, I want my life back!" Oh, yes, you are allowed to say it, too many christians do it. They end up as church goers but that is all, maybe even involved in ministry but you can smell the difference...you know that they have skipped this course.
No my friend, do not stop. Do not take your life back into your own hands. let God destroy your life. let Him take the control and crush your life. let Him ruin it, totally ruin it.
You see, my friend, and I hold you by the neck of your shirt as I say this in a desperate tone....MY FRIEND do not let go!!!! it is there, it is here that you will truly meet God!!! And it is only when you find Him, that you have really found LIFE.
Yes, you do have to pay a price. A high price. You have to lose your life...but it is nothing, my friend your life is nothing...sheer illussions that is what our life is. You give it up and then, and only then you will be given LIFE.
Do hang on. HIS mercy and HIS grace will see your through.
But the things that were gain to me, these for the sake of Christ,
I have counted loss.
Nay more, I count everything loss because of the excelling knowledge
of Jesus Christ, my Lord.
For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things,
and I count them as dung that I may gain Christ and
be found in Him.
Philippians 3:8
Philippians 1:20
Big words.
I tremble as I read them. I do not even dare say them out loud.
I tremble because I know there is a price to be paid in order to say such words in honesty.
I will share part of a letter I wrote to somebody to try to express one of the hardest things to express.... may God allow you to understand.
I guess that what I really do want to say is that what you are going through is normal in the kingdom of God. In fact, in a way you should get used to it. The kindgom of God is not part of Disneyland. In the kingdom of God your worst enemy is NOT the devil. He has been defeited. Your true enemy is God.
No, do not kill me. Listen well, for this is true. God desires to crush you. To hit you so hard and so many times that you become simple dust. Nothing more.
He will put the weight of HIS hand upon you, and litteraly crush you. He will crush your ideas of success, of being good, of greatness in anyway. He will take you to a place of understanding that you are dust, and to dust you will return. You are nothing more.
This is a very common process. Some of us are in need of stronger pressure than others, merely because we seem to be more stubborn and determined to hang onto our fantasy of being some type of god. We can disguise ourselves in righteousness, but God knows our hearts real well. He will crush us, just to remind us that we are not gods, we are worms.
For you to hear that what you are going through is totally normal in the kingdom of God, will be encouraging. And perhaps this is not the best moment to let you know that it will not be the last moment...there will more ahead of the same sort or maybe even stronger.
This is why I assure you that you will be just fine. God is in control. I continue to be alive. God is strange in His ways, He has crushed me,but this has brought life to me. I am glad for His ways. Ways which are higher than mine.
I once spoke on this dealings of God. Somebody came up and gave me a tape on the "love of God" ji jijji. People do not understand when I speak of God as a God that crushes us. I remember how I ilustrated my feeling of that time. I took a large piece of paper and tore it to pieces, tiny pieces,tiny pieces...slowly, ever so slowly. The room was filled with silence, it was heavy and I could see that some people were shouting "STOP! STOP! DO NOT GO ON!" And, it was a paper, it was a class, it was not their life- I was talking about what God had done in mine...several times.
I did not tell them that He has put me through this several times. That would have been too much for them to handle. But it is true. I can look back and I am getting to the point of losing count!
One time I recall saying "GOD!!!!!!!!!!! one thing I beg of you! only one! do not send me to hell" Can you imagine what He had made me walk through? "GOD!" I cried on "just allow me to sit near the gates of heaven, where I will be able to breath your presence, that is the one thing I cannot lose...please do not send me to hell"
I strongly recommend that you do not copy this words as if they were magic words that will take you out of under God's crushing hand. God knows your heart. Magic words will not get you out, the best thing you can do is to let God deal with you and trust HIS mercy and grace will get you out.
There was another time, when I got to a point of dropping dead. It was like walking in the Sahara desert. I finally just dropped on the sand. The vultures were suddenly all around. God told me "you had better move or they will start eating you alive" I answered "LET THEM EAT ME! that way this will be over for good! I cannot move, I cannot take another step, I will not even attempt to move a finger! I am done, I am weak, I cannot...I cannot...I cannot..."
I was not using dramatic language to impress God. God had impressed me.
So many times... what about the time He called me into ministry. I gave Him my CV , He threw it to the trash (literally) and He said "I want you to go to the jungle".....excuse me??? I have no experience on THAT!...once again surrounded by weakness, my self-strength taken away, once again having to be totally dependant on God's mercy, on God's grace.
I do not talk about this openly. People do not like it when I tell them I am only a worm, well now I am a butterfly...but do you know how fragile a butterfly is??? In fact a worm has stronger changes of surviving than a butterfly...a butterfly is most fragile. I am now strongly vulnarable, I am aware of my weakness and of how small a creature I am.
My friend it is so strange, even now as I meditate on the whole process I cannot truly comprehend. I once was young, audacious and bold. God crushed me and took me to a place of deep meekness and weakness. Now, when He says "it is time to go out and kill giagants" I ....I take a long time to move on. I am aware of my dust essence. I now know what I am truly made of.
But I encourage you to hang on. Hang on to this process no matter what. Do not let go. Do not say "enough God, I want my life back!" Oh, yes, you are allowed to say it, too many christians do it. They end up as church goers but that is all, maybe even involved in ministry but you can smell the difference...you know that they have skipped this course.
No my friend, do not stop. Do not take your life back into your own hands. let God destroy your life. let Him take the control and crush your life. let Him ruin it, totally ruin it.
You see, my friend, and I hold you by the neck of your shirt as I say this in a desperate tone....MY FRIEND do not let go!!!! it is there, it is here that you will truly meet God!!! And it is only when you find Him, that you have really found LIFE.
Yes, you do have to pay a price. A high price. You have to lose your life...but it is nothing, my friend your life is nothing...sheer illussions that is what our life is. You give it up and then, and only then you will be given LIFE.
Do hang on. HIS mercy and HIS grace will see your through.
But the things that were gain to me, these for the sake of Christ,
I have counted loss.
Nay more, I count everything loss because of the excelling knowledge
of Jesus Christ, my Lord.
For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things,
and I count them as dung that I may gain Christ and
be found in Him.
Philippians 3:8
posted by thisfool @ 4:29 PM
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