Prov. 2:1-5

MY SON,IF YOU RECEIVE MY WORDS AND TREASURE MY COMMANDS,
TURNING YOUR EAR TO WISDOM,
INCLINING OUR HEART TO UNDERSTANDING;
YES, IF YOU CALL TO INTELLIGENCE,
AND TO UNDERTANDING RAISE YOUR VOICE;
IF YOU SEEK HER LIKE SILVER,
AND LIKE HIDDEN TREASURES SEARCH HER OUT:
THEN WILL YOU UNDERSTAND THE FEAR OF THE LORD;
THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOD YOU WILL FIND
Prov. 2:1-5

My heart is full of thanksgiving this morning. As I meditate on this words... it just seems like a dream...it is true, I rose my voice to understanding- it was more like a wild yell, a turning of my heart to understanding out of despair. I see back and I do not see me as a schoolar seeking wisdom... a bewildered creature seeking God- that describes me best.
Pain, darkness, confussion falling so hard on me- crushing me into thousands of pieces- taking me into a total different season in my life. A season of doing that which I had avoided doing for so long, and thus pushing aside all excuses to be distracted.
I did not quit work, nor taking care of my kids- but all other activieties went out(church and ministry included) and I sought wisdom, I sought to understand...I walked into the hottest of fires- THE FIERY GOD, the God who reproves, corrects and disciplines, the God with wrath in His eyes.
I needed answers, He had the answers but I had to draw near Him.
I had to call out for understanding, I called out, I wailed, I whimpered, I cried out for understanding.
A dreadful time. Not one to be forgotten. But it was there, in the midst of this seeking wisdom and accepting correction that I found HIM.
I had never been so close to God, and for such a long time. The fruits of such a time were:
FEAR OF THE LORD.
KNOWLEDGE OF GOD.

They are part of me now...I have a thankful heart.
I just look up to heaven and wonder...me? the weakest one? sitting at this table? me?

Why? what sort of love has brought me to this place?
me? the weakest one?
FEAR OF THE LORD. it is now mine, it has changed my life- I see things so differently now.
KNOWLEDGE OF GOD. of course there is much more to know, but the way I know Him now is just healing me fast and making me bold in ways I thougth I would never be.
I am now walking in a different ground, my feet solid on the ground...so many things are changing and are changing fast.
I have a thankful heart!

I now will live the rest of my life under these two banners: FEAR OF GOD AND KNOWLEDGE OF GOD. At the end of each day I will go to bed assured that my life was not inane (lacking substance) for my life will be full of God each and every day.
No matter what I do, I will BE full of God. And my life will be worth while.

All honor and Glory be to God.
All acknowledgement to God. All the credit to God.
For it is true that I cried out, but it is true that HE crushed me, He persecuted me, He closed all escape routes, He put thorns in every path...so I had to cry out for understanding
All honor and Glory be to God.
For it is true that I pushed to see the Fiery God, but it is true that if HE hadn't sustained me, if He hadn't provided me with grace..I would not have been able to do it and I would not have come out alive.

Now I am sitting here at this table, a blood bougth place, 100% out of mercy and grace.
HIS mercy.
HIS grace.
All honor be to God.

Thank you,God, for the cross; for that inmense sacrifice...Thank you Jesus for paying the cost of the place I now take at this table, a table where I feast on the knowledge of God.
....
and Lord, could I invite a group of friends? I think they would enjoy this place...